I raced out of the house with baby Daniel in my arms. He would have to take the milk cold, I didn’t have time to heat it now. He was crying hysterically and the sound was driving me to distraction. The baby seat was already fitted in the back seat and so I clipped him in as I had watched on the internet several times. I went round to the driver side, turned the key in the ignition and with the shudder of the car engine his crying subsided.

I turned back to look at the house I grew up in, it held all the memories I had tried so hard to forget and then rebuild a new life again with Ben.

I walked round to the boot and took out a can of petrol. I went to the front door and poured the contents on the floor of the hallway. One last image of Ben flitted though my mind as I thought of the many years we managed to have together. I allowed a brief smile to etch its way across my lips, then the image of his face melted away as I struck the match.

70

DAISY

I opened my eyes. My head was throbbing so hard I thought there was something about to burst out of it. I touched the side of my head and felt the damp through my hair, I brought my hand to my face and looked at the bright red blood on my fingertips.

‘Oh god.’

‘It’s okay.’ Ben’s voice reached me, I turned. He was still lying on the floor.

‘You’re still here… we’re still here?’ I looked around the filthy cellar, it was all beginning to feel incredibly surreal. Surely I’d wake up in a moment and be somewhere safe with my Ben and the baby. ‘I… I was standing in front of her?’ I went to try and stand and realised I couldn’t, my leg wouldn’t work. I slowly dragged my way back towards Ben.

Ben held out a chewing gum grey towel frayed at the edges. I picked it up and pushed it hard against my head.

‘Why didn’t I try? I should have tried harder. This is hopeless, we’ll never get out, we’re trapped.’ The hysteria in my voice was rising.

I looked at Ben and thought about his time down here, how he must have suffered.

I tried to stand again, but I couldn’t, my whole body now in agony from head to toe. My trousers were soaked in blood around the crotch.

‘The baby, that was him?’

‘Yes’ I sobbed. ‘I need him, Ben, I can’t let him go, not again.’

I dragged my useless body towards the bottom of the steps – each movement sent pain searing through my body.

‘Annie, come back, wait! I just need to talk to you. Can I just give him a kiss? Let me just…’ I had lost all energy to call out and my words came out feeble and pitiable. I flopped down on the bottom step and lay my head on my arms. ‘What have I done?’ I breathed out the words into the crooks of my arms.