She was livid. It was rage like I’ve never seen before. Certainly not in a woman. She was possessed with anger, spit falling from her mouth as she hurled the profanities at Callum.

I never saw him again after that day. He was dragged from the car by his tiny wretched angry wife and the next day at school he was gone. Relieved of his post by a man twice his age, with a beard so thick it looked positively inhabited.

I fell into a state of depression. Rumours circulated fast, Beth and Aimee deserted me. My parents were beside themselves. What had they raised? They questioned again and again, constantly looking to me for the answers, never once reflecting on their own position as parents and the lack of emotion that ran through our family. It was that barely-there kind of love that just about kept a family together, but we all would have been so much happier without it at all. Then the guilt wouldn’t have been able to fester in the gaping holes which should have been overflowing with unconditional love.

But the worst was yet to come. If my parents thought they had been dealt a tough hand then they must have thought I had been given to them as the devil in disguise once the repercussions of my actions really came into play.

Just remembering the way things were for me as such a young girl, I wept for myself now. I could feel the baby was close to arriving. The pressure was building down below. I knew that feeling too well. I didn’t know if I was ready to go through it again.

But I knew I had to and even after everything I had said to Ben and how much I hated him for deserting me, for not calling or texting and for not being here, right now in these last weeks when I needed him the most, he was all I could think of. He was all I ever wanted and needed.

As I clung to myself on the bed, I let the raw emotions fall out of me and tried to let the natural process of crying temporarily heal me.

49

ANNIE

I could hear the crying through the ceiling. Once or twice I hovered by the door listening. But I knew it couldn’t go on forever. It wasn’t good for the baby for a start and besides, I couldn’t abide the relentless whimpering.

I prepared a simple snack of milk and breadsticks for her. She was still sobbing when I went in. She didn’t turn. I laid the tray down next to the bed and perched myself on the edge. I put a hand reluctantly on her quivering leg.

‘Daisy. This isn’t good for you or the baby. I can’t say I’m not sad too. I feel as though I have lost a son. But we just have to deal with it and get on with it for the sake of the baby.’ I let those first words soak in and waited to see if they had taken any effect before I continued. Her leg stopped quivering under the weight of my touch.