42

GRACE

I arrived at Emily’s house for one of the lessons in late May, ready to make chicken and ham pie and oat cookies. Jenny was in a particular flap. She looked anxious and kept touching her long blonde hair that was tied up in her usual French pleat. I could tell that something wasn’t right about her, so I waited until she got little Mikee settled under the table and then approached her. I arrived at her side and touched her arm.

‘Hello, Jenny.’

Jenny jumped and turned to look at me throwing her hand to her chest. ‘Oh, Grace, golly, you gave me a fright.’

‘You look bothered by something?’ I frowned at the woman I now felt such a strong connection towards, a sort of nurturing protection. I felt as though we were sisters; that I could tell her anything. And I would of course. Very soon.

It was comforting to have someone else I knew who was also anxious, it took the focus off my own stresses and worries. I was feeling the beginnings of morning sickness. The tiredness had set in. The pregnancy was very real again. I was worried about the life of this child. I wanted my body to hold on to it so much I was using everything I could to do so.

Jenny looked especially fraught that morning. She was wringing her hands and hunting through her handbag over and over.

‘Is there something I can do for you? Cup of tea perhaps?’ I quizzed, knowing it was tea I wished for myself. Tea and a chat with someone who understood me and the situation and the exciting journey of motherhood I was about to embark on.

‘No, no, not tea. I’ve drank six cups already this morning,’ Jenny said with her head in her bag. I looked on curiously.

‘Have you lost something?’ I asked her.

‘No. I’m just checking…’ Jenny tried to construct a sentence but was clearly too absorbed in her task. Then she suddenly stopped her searching to look at me. Her face softened and she whispered, ‘Can you keep a secret?’

I touched my chest.

‘Yes, Jenny.’ I said and she nodded. My chest felt as though it might explode with the love I felt for her right then. ‘I can keep your secret, Jenny, what is it?’

Jenny looked around the room and I followed her gaze. The class was still five minutes from beginning, some of the other women were still arriving and chatting by the door. Emily was stood at the front organising her notes. Jenny finished looking about the room and looked again at me

‘It’s my husband. I’m leaving him.’

My hand flew to my mouth. I had only known Jenny for a short time, and even then I only saw her for a few hours a day, but she was a part of my life. I felt as though we had become so close. I looked forward to seeing her every week. She had never said that we were best friends, but I felt that was exactly what we were.