I knew my son. More than anyone ever would.

I sensed the moment that I met Daisy that she was going to be hard work in one way or another and this incident with Eve’s death had been a real burden on me and now I had the pregnancy to deal with as well. Now I had all these feelings I was harbouring about what I knew about her. But I couldn’t say them. I didn’t want to scare the girl away. I needed her. I needed the baby.

Babies were such a precious gift.

The situation was glaringly obvious. Daisy would abandon that child the way she had before. She would be long gone because Ben no longer loved her. She was no candidate for motherhood. She was given the chance once and she failed. Walking away would be that much easier for her a second time. She had done it once. I was certain she would do it again. And when the time came I would certainly not stand in her way. In fact, I was almost certain I could be the one to convince her to walk away from her baby for a second time.

35

DAISY

The beach house was beginning to feel like the only home I had. And with the birth not long away now, I relished a little in the way Annie made a show of fussing around me: getting me snacks and drinks, asking about the baby. It was all a novel experience to me. I had never felt that sort of care before.

I spent the morning in the garden, helping Annie lift a few weeds under watchful eyes hearing constant reminders to rest. It was an overcast day, spring not yet sprung, but Annie was keen to get ahead and begin preparing the beds. I took a breather every now and again and took a seat in the summer house to shelter from the sea breeze, which was at times uncomfortably bracing. Annie seemed to thrive amongst the harsher elements, she was completely immersed in the task, the myriad of thoughts that were usually etched across her face, gone and in their place a more serene expression.

‘I’m fine,’ I told her over and over again but eventually I tired of her requests and went upstairs to lay down. I wasn’t fine. Nothing was fine. My head was swimming with thoughts. Thoughts of the inquest was currently prevailing. I was petrified about hearing the results. Teetering beneath that was what Annie had callously revealed to me about Ben’s lack of driving licence and how he had lied to me, driven me around knowing I was pregnant, despite having never had any formal lessons. I was churning up inside about Ben and his text and Annie’s words that hinted at my past were still lingering in my head. I turned them over and over trying to untangle them, trying to work out what she knew about me.

Then there was the baby; my thoughts rarely turned to the baby, or the birth. These were things I needed to concern myself with but I kept batting away the thoughts once they entered my head, a knee jerk reaction brought on by my past mistakes.