‘What the…’ I stumbled towards the table and picked it up, holding it close to my chest, I spun around to find Annie in the doorway. ‘What is this?’ I spat at her.

‘Now, Daisy, I suggest you calm down, Daniel – the baby was hungry, dear, you were passed right out!’

‘I wanted to be the first, he needs my milk, not… this shit!’ I threw the milk bottle at her feet. The baby stirred in his basket.

‘I think you need to calm down, lassie, you are getting yourself into a pickle. This is not good for you or the baby. Your milk hasn’t even come in yet, I was just trying to help.’

‘Well, I don’t need your help,’ I snapped. I realised I shouldn’t have said that last part. Of course I had needed her help, I hadn’t been able to manage without her. ‘I mean…’ I cleared my throat and smoothed my hair across my head. ‘I thank you for all your help,’ I said calmly, ‘but I really do need to take things from here. I’m his mother, Annie.’

I could see Annie’s face, twisted and contorted like it was that day she laid eyes on me for the first time, when her words didn’t match her face.

‘Okay, Daisy. I understand. I have been a little hands-on. I will back off and let you take over.’ She almost did a little head bow as she retreated from the doorway and left me standing there flushed with anger.

I stood and got my breath back and let the anger subside before I walked over to the Moses basket and looked in at my sleeping son.

I knew then that no matter how I had been feeling and no matter how much I still blamed myself for Karen and Eve’s deaths, for giving away Alice and for letting Ben walk out on me, this little man needed me and I wasn’t going to let him down. I wasn’t going let anyone take him from me.

60

ANNIE

It was clear Daisy was not going to willingly hand over the baby as I had anticipated. It had seemed she had spiralled down so deep into a depression that she wouldn’t find her way out. I could only presume it was those damn happy hormones from just giving birth that were stabilising her for a while. I needed her to fall back into a state of depression, which knowing her track record, how easily she fell last time, it wouldn’t take long. The baby blues would surely escalate into full-blown postnatal depression and she would hand the baby straight over. But I didn’t have that amount of time to waste. It could be weeks away and I needed to act now.

I gave her a tiny amount of time and space after the bottle incident. She was clearly riled. Now I needed to get her back into a compliant state once more. A little while later I arrived back in Daisy’s room with a tray laden with hot chocolate and biscuits and my best smile.