I took myself off upstairs armed with window cleaner, kitchen roll and a feather duster. I began to work more furiously, the anger fuelled me, gave me the strength to reach high and bend low in one flawless sequence.

I found my way into Ben’s room, as I always did at least once a day; to look around at all of his things that I wanted to keep, that he hadn’t wanted to take with him. I was hurt to start with but now I was thankful that I could come and look at his certificates and remember all of his achievements, knowing I was partly responsible for him getting them. It brought me comfort during the times of the day when things were most difficult.

I got down on my hands and knees with the long attachment on the hoover and was ready to give the edges around his bed a good seeing to, when I caught sight of them out of the corner of my eye. A little round pink crystal-encrusted frame around a tiny mirror; a keyring holding a collection of three different keys. They were right in the corner by the furthest leg of the bed. Glaringly obvious to me but Ben wouldn’t have seen them if his life had depended on it.

There was no way my body would fit under the bed so I had to get up, pull the bed out and reach down to get them. I held them in my hand looking at the hippy mirror keyring. Just the kind of pointless tat that Daisy would have scattered around their flat, classed as what young women called knick-knacks these days.

I held on to the keys and tightened my grip around them, feeling the cold sharp metal press into my skin; it felt strangely comforting.

Things had been spiralling out of control but suddenly, with these small inanimate objects firmly within my palm, I began to think I had a solution to the problem. I had been putting it off for too long.

I would love my son relentlessly until I drew my last breath. A relationship between a mother and son was a very special bond, but that bond was beginning to show signs of strain and I would do anything to keep it from breaking and to make sure nothing or anyone came between us.

I knew there was more to Daisy than what she projected; I could see behind the veil and it was messy and ugly. Now all I needed to do was make sure Ben and I were back together. Our secret party of two. And when we were, I would make sure I never let anyone come between us again.

14

DAISY

‘I can’t believe you’re leaving us, Ben,’ Eve said in a mock whine.

‘I’m sure you’ll be fine, Eve. A ballsy girl like you.’ Ben walked past Eve giving her a friendly slap on her arm as she sat in her red Chinese silk robe at the dining table. It was her day off and her intention, she had informed me that morning, was to stay skimpily dressed all day. I stood in the lounge, cradling my herbal tea, dressed in my workout gear, ready for a class in an hour. It was the 9^th of January, and all of my gym classes were packed with fresh-faced clients on a New Year promise.