‘I have brought you a snack. You’ve not eaten all day. I’ve brought you something to take the edge off. I know you don’t want to take the tablets any more. I know how much you favour a holistic lifestyle, but they might be necessary. Well, they are necessary. But for now, why don’t you sit up and have a nibble on something?’ I waited patiently for several minutes before Daisy finally turned and sat up. The mound of her stomach peeped out under her T-shirt.

Daisy’s face was red and blotchy, her eyes puffed out.

‘I know… I know I need to take the tablets,’ she said between gulps. ‘I don’t think I was ever well enough. Even before Eve and Ben.’

‘I know, dear, I know.’ I patted her leg. I could feel the relief sweep through me. Finally she was succumbing. ‘It won’t be forever. It’s just for the safety of the baby. You have a lot of responsibility for that unborn child. If your emotions are all over the place, you aren’t really responsible for yourself. You just need a little help. That’s all.’

She nodded compliantly as she took the plate from my hand and began nibbling lightly on the breadsticks.

I then handed her the tablets. ‘That will help you sleep. Although you must be exhausted.’

She just nodded this time.

I tried to conceal my thrill at her compliance as she took the tablets.

Daisy raised her head and looked at me sorrowfully. She forced herself to swallow the breadstick which looked positively painful and pulled her face into a weak smile.

‘Thank you,’ she whispered so quietly it was barely audible. But I knew she was grateful, that poor pathetic girl only had me. There wasn’t one soul left in the world who cared about her.

I didn’t feel any sorrow for her as I left her in the room that night – although I made sure that all sharp objects were removed from her room and the bathroom, just to be on the safe side.

I had been where Daisy was. I had felt the utter hopelessness at life: over and over again the world had punished me.

In the end, we get what we need, not what we want.

50

DAISY

From that day on I stopped fighting. I allowed Annie to run things the way she wanted. She was right. Back then when I was just a fifteen-year-old kid, I took full responsibility for my part. Callum took his responsibility and paid the ultimate price in many ways too, but I bore the brunt of the guilt. I had so many more emotions that tormented me for years afterwards. That still tormented me to this day.

After Callum’s wife found us, I took a week off school then I asked my mum if I could go back. I wasn’t desperate to get back to classes, or face the torrent of subtle micro aggression that would seep from the mouths of those girls I had considered to be my friends a mere few days earlier. Nor was I in any hurry to face the condescending look and tone of the teachers who would try and conceal their disgust but would always see a minor, a young girl who had had sex with the bloke they shared the staff room with. But to stay at home and be tortured by the look from my mother, who felt I had failed her in so many ways already, was the worst of the two evils.