Patrick’s voice turned hollow and my attention was now on the door of the hospital room. Everything felt as though it had slowed down, Patrick was still talking, but it was as though he was a record player playing at the wrong speed. I could see the doors had opened and two policemen had walked in. My eyes were locked on them, willing the scenario to change, I looked away. I could hear myself crying out.

I put my hands over my ears and started shaking my head. My legs felt like jelly and were shaking uncontrollably. ‘No!’ I shouted again. I wasn’t ready to hear it yet. It couldn’t happen again.

Patrick had his arm around me, attempting to console me in some way. ‘It’s okay, Daisy, look.’ He was gesturing to the doorway. I looked up at Patrick and then at the door. As I did both policemen stepped aside and a policewoman walked through the gap between them. In her arms, she was carrying a little blue bundle.

I held the baby tightly in my arms. I nuzzled my face into his little face. The nurse was at my side.

‘Let’s try and get him to have some milk. I’ve bet you’ve got plenty of it?’ She helped me lift up the nightgown. Patrick had headed off down the hall for some coffee. I looked at her and the nurse winked back down at me. ‘Come on, let’s try this. You can do it.’ Under my gown, my swelling breast fell out near to the baby’s lips. He turned automatically and began to root for the nipple. The nurse gently nudged my breast and held it in place until the baby was latched on. ‘There look at that. Pair of naturals.’ She smiled down at us.

I let out a small nervous laugh. ‘He’ll be wondering what’s been going on.’

‘Well, babies are more resilient than we give them credit for. They have short memories at this age,’ she said through a smile. ‘I reckon he’s forgiven you already. Got a name for him yet?’

‘I thought… Jasper. Obviously I’ll have to discuss it with Ben.’ The name had been creeping in and out of my mind for weeks but with no one to discuss it with I kept pushing it to one side. No girls’ names had come to me. I had been struggling to imagine a life with a girl after Alice. I felt a small glint of hope as I spoke his name out loud, something I had never been able to do with my first child. I had yet to see Ben, but the idea that we were a family and that we were all here, safe and alive created a small spark of joy. I acknowledged it and held on to it.

‘Well, I think that’s a perfect name for him. Lucky little chap.’

The door opened and a young doctor in a smart sky-blue shirt walked in.