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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

And then I found out that my mam wanted my brother to get counselling and my dad said that was just shit and counselling was a waste of money, counsellors were all nuts themselves, that’s how they get into it, they should be called coinsellers because they were coining it, he should get into the business himself. And my mam said she was worried and the accident didn’t sound right, like what was he doing on that road anyway? And my dad said he needed a kick up the arse and he had half a mind to give it to him. I could hear them arguing in the kitchen when I was in the downstairs toilet. I wanted to hit my head off the sink. I even put my hands over my ears, but I needed to get dressed up again.

34

When my grandad died there was a dispute about where he was to be buried. He was supposed to be buried in the same grave as my granny, who I never met. Her side of the family owned graves. My dad said no way was he burying Grandad there unless he had control of the grave. Like you have title deeds to a grave. They said no. My dad said the grave was shit, they needed a new stone, the old stone was full and it was basically a crap stone and no way was he burying his dad in someone else’s grave. They said no. My dad always gets his way. So there only was like three days. That’s how long they keep a dead body for. There’s church stuff et cetera. So my dad bought a new grave and got it dug up. They say open and close a grave, like it’s a door. He told my mam it was just a move in the negotiations. Like he had this six-foot hole in the graveyard waiting for my grandad and it was a move? They said he was going against his own mother’s dying wish, and his father’s dying wish and nearly everybody’s dying wish. So the morning of the funeral came and there was this big standoff in our kitchen. Their side and our side. I thought the kitchen was a bad place for it because of The Availability Of Knives. In the end he won. He already had the deed of conveyance, all they had to do was Sign On The Line. So my dad added to his property portfolio and my grandad got buried with his one true love. And her side of the family never talked to us again.

My mam came up and told me to stop moping in my room.

You spend your life in here, she said. Get out and get some fresh air. Fresh air is good for you.