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Back Suzy Suzy Save as PDF
Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

He said, Small and thin, like tiny almost a midget. He’s completely fucking ancient. I would say he’s eighty.

What did he say to you?

He said, Can you get a drink here? The place was jointed. He just didn’t think he’d make it to the bar at his height.

And you said?

I said you could. I said I’d get one for him like the bar was six deep and he goes, Thank you so much, in a real English accent, you know what I mean, like totally Hugh Grant.

Not Eastenders?

So not Eastenders.

I was pretty sure he was telling the truth but I can never really tell. People lie to me all the time. My friend Serena who I now get hate messages from once told me we were sisters forever. Then she went somewhere on her holidays, Fuerteventura I think, and she sent me selfies for a week, one every day at some beach or in a restaurant, and when she came back she hated me. That was over a year ago. We never go on holidays except to West Kerry Cottages for a week although once they told me we were going To Go To Rome But We Never. I even watched Gladiator on Netflix even though it’s total bullshit and I saw it before, that’s how much I believed in it.

Once my brother’s phone ass-called me. I could hear club music in the background. Idk what kind of a club. I have never been inside one. My mam won’t let me. Neither has Holly. We are probably the last girls in our class to do it. I just hope it’s worth waiting for.

I often get ass-calls from him. Another time I could hear shooting. I guessed it was a computer game but it sounded real. And another time there was no talking but I knew he was drunk. I don’t know how I knew that. It was about four in the afternoon. The strange thing about families are there are too many things you can’t say. You would think that you could say anything to your family, but you can’t. And sometimes people tell you something and it’s Too Much Information. Like sometimes you don’t need to know. So I suppose that means that I don’t want people to tell me things either. So I’m like halfway between withholding information and calling a press conference.

And why do I know he’s ass-calling me? Maybe he calls and doesn’t want to say anything, maybe he just wants to hear a human voice. Or maybe he can’t say.

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