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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

Holly had a turkey BLT followed by strawberry flan and I had an apple turnover. Holly asked me if I fancied Jason and I said no way. And I hate smoking. What if it was some celebrity who smoked? Some actor? Or Niall Horan? Or… I stopped her right there. Do not mention Niall Horan in my presence, and smoking is an absolute no-no, it is so just ew. She giggled. Her dad smoked marijuana or hash, I’m not sure which and she said she liked the smell of it. He never smoked it when I was around but the smell sort of lingered a bit. It was nice actually. I’m not against soft drugs. Holly gave me all the cream from her strawberry flan and I gave her the walnuts from my apple turnover. She just wanted the flan part. We had one pot of tea between us. The girl gave me a look when I asked for two cups.

Holly is lactose intolerant. It gives her Flatulence and Bloating. She is embarrassed by it. Her tummy sounds like a gunfight in an empty barrel. But since she gave up lactose she was totally normal.

But the truth is we both envied Jason and Helen. Or at least we envied Helen. Neither of us had ever been kissed except by each other, which doesn’t count, it doesn’t even feel right because we both know boys are rough, especially if they haven’t shaved recently. Helen is a bitch. Like the minute Jason asked her out she tweeted it. It was like she won the lottery, the way people who win the lottery sometimes stop talking to their friends and family in case people ask them for money. And the first time they kissed – tweeted. He made her stop. She told Mary Doyle that he said he didn’t want his game all over Twitter. We all thought game was a shit thing to say. But she told Mary Doyle the first time they had sex and Mary Doyle told everyone even though she didn’t tweet it. And she also said they didn’t use protection and now everyone is wondering how long it will take Helen to get pregnant. And I think all of that is just so crap. It makes me sad af.

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