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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

I dreamed a horse was kicking down a door and I woke up and it was someone trying to break into my room. It was dark. I was scared. I called out, Who’s there? and my brother Tony answered. When I rolled over I realised one of my legs was stuck to the duvet. I had my pants down around my knees. I was cold. I remembered what I was doing before I fell asleep. I told Tony to hang on. I gently pulled the duvet off my cut and pulled my pants up. Maybe I bled again idk. When I moved my legs it hurt. I turned the duvet upside down to hide the blood and pulled the chair out from under the door handle. Tony came in.

What are you doing in the dark?

I turned my bedside light on. I saw him looking at my legs. There was blood on my skinnies. Then he looked at the blade on the floor.

Oh Jesus no, he said. Why did you do that? He was pointing at my legs.

My fucking life, I said. Dad just told the guards I was a liar.

About what?

You know about the bin, right?

He stared at me. He told them you were lying about that?

He said I was highly strung. He said he didn’t remember me coming home late that night. He told them that Serena overdosed.

He turned and ran down the stairs. I heard him in the lounge, then in the kitchen. Things were getting knocked over. Chairs maybe idk. Doors slammed. The kitchen door. Then he started shouting, Dad! Dad! Where the fuck are you? Where the fuck are you, you lying cunt!

I don’t know where my dad was, but Tony went through every room. There was no one else there except him and me and The Dog.

69

So I dated Jack. It was a bad idea and I don’t know why I did it. Don’t even ask. I even shaved my legs for the first time. I used my Dad’s Mach 3 razor even though my mam has a Gillette Venus Spa Breeze, lathers for lush smoothness + indulgent shave gel bars. Like is that even a thing? A shave gel bar? And why do we have to use pink ones? Do pink razors have gentler blades? I used my mam’s shampoo. Sunkist Raspberry. Who puts raspberries in their hair? Is that even a thing? It smelled like raspberry ice-cream not in a good way. Like the cheapest raspberry ice-cream. I was worried that he might want to smell my hair. Or even nibble my ear. It happens. But I needn’t have worried. He didn’t give a shit about my hair.