I could hear wailing and it took me a few seconds to work out that it was me. My brother was just opening and closing his mouth. Then he rushed out of the room.

Oh Jesus, my mother said, it must have been suicide.

Don’t jump to conclusions, my dad said, it was a right bad night last night. He might have got blown in.

Don’t be stupid, my mother said.

My dad shut up. The Dog left the room.

My mam said, He broke up with Faith, of course.

My brother left the phone on the table when he ran. I picked it up and looked at it. U hr nigger dead fire brigade pulled body out of river a hour ago fuckin random u hear anthing? I threw it on the floor. The back casing came off and spun away somewhere and it started to ring for some reason. It was a shite phone anyway.

Pick that up, my mother said.

I just walked. I am pro at walking out. Come back here, she shouted, come back here, come back down here this minute. But she didn’t come after me. If she did I wouldn’t be responsible for my deeds. I would tear her eyes out I swear. I went to my room and cried for three hours. And all that time I could hear my brother crying in the next room and sometimes hitting things. I fell asleep first.

13

Serena and Holly and Me. All through Primary that was the gang. Holly is a dote. She has these pale green eyes that are to die for. When she smiles they glow like that stuff inside a seashell idk some kind of pearl. Serena has long blond hair and eyes of blue and her figure is perf but her smile is the smile of a dead pollock. It just doesn’t work. She talks posh too. She was in America until she was seven. Her father Is A Surgeon. I don’t know for which part, maybe eyes. He used to have a head of brown hair but now he has a receding hairline and a comb-over like half a dozen shoelaces frayed at the ends. He makes a shitload on Private of course and he takes my dad’s advice and buys into property. Like my dad would identify an opportunity and phone around and see if people were interested. This was at a time when he was seriously growing his portfolio and he needed investors. But then the arse fell out of everything and now he gets complaints in writing from people who put money into things. He points out that there are no guarantees and the value of property may fall as well as rise. As they say.

Serena’s family are religious. They got it in America.

I don’t really get the religion thing tbf.