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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

I have Biology, she says, I’m late. Did you see the thing about the murder last night on the news? Talk to you later.

I don’t do Biology. Not as a subject. My next class was History and Holly was in it too. We were supposed to do some writing in the middle so we got a chance to talk. I told Holly about Serena. She said she would try to find out what was going on. We were both agreed that Serena was just too much.

After big break, in Maths, she told me that everyone was saying that Serena was a bitch and nobody was her friend any more. A couple of people even unfriended her. Like unfriending is the nuclear option in my school. So now we’re the three musketeers.

We were supposed to be problem-solving. Maths is all this shit now, problem-solving and approximation and guessing and several right answers and I hate it. In the old days there was a right and a wrong and you could know on which side you were. And I just know that if I was working for NASA and I said that there were three answers: the space ship will hit the moon, the space ship will hit the sun or the space ship will just go off into Kingdom Come like in that film 2001 Whatitsname, nobody would say, Excellent, well done, now take a guess at which one is the best shot. Like they would. Just at the end of the class my phone started to vibrate. It was this Sexual Groaning Sound because my bag was on the ground against the leg of the chair and the phone was vibrating against the leg. Everyone started to laugh. Peppa Pig, who is our Maths teacher, said: Turn that phone off. She looked straight at me. It took me five minutes at least to find it in my bag and it stopped and started to ring again. Sorry, Miss, sorry, Miss, sorry.

Then I saw it was my mam and I just knew. I started to cry. I’m just looking at the screen and it’s still vibrating and I’m crying and everybody stops laughing.

16

So Serena had sex in Fuerteventura with an English boy a year younger than her. That’s what she told me. She did it three times. When she came home she was sure she was pregnant because they didn’t use condoms. Then it turned out she wasn’t pregnant because she was on her period on the nail. By then she was bitching everyone and it was too late to change. She said she bitched people because she knew what they were going to say as soon as she started to show. I said to her I wouldn’t have said anything.

Yeah, she said, like silence.

I said when Lauren O’Keefe had a baby I was the one who stayed friends with her.