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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

They are so calm. She went out again pushing her clinky trolley. A little smile from Serena. Like she knows that no one sees the signs. Serena is superior, she knows it somehow, she just assumes it, I would say it is her biggest fault. It’s one of the things that makes me hate her. When I hate her. It makes me want to hurt her.

I said: How did you do it?

She looked away. Holly almost lost her hand but held on to it in time.

Serena, I said, the night of the bin fire, I saw your legs. I saw the cuts.

She turned to me. Her eyes were hot and dry.

Some friend you are.

We need to talk about it.

Fuck you, Serena said.

Holly looked at me. I knew she was thinking, Look who’s talking! So I took my jacket off. Then I took my school jumper off. Then I unbuttoned my left sleeve and rolled it up. It would not go up far enough so I pushed it the rest of the way. Serena stared at my arm. Holly started to cry. The tight sleeve made the cuts look red and fat. They looked like rips in a mattress with the stuffing showing.

I said, We have to fucking talk about it. Right?

Outside Serena’s window the snow was thickening. I thought you could almost follow a single flake from the sky to the ground. But your eye could not distinguish the white from the white. All you could know was the falling. We are three girls on a see-saw, three of us on one side, but the mass on the other side is so much. We are so high up we will never come down. So high we can hardly breathe. See-saw, Margery Daw, sold her bed and lay on straw.

And later Holly and I were like zombies. We walked back out to the bus stop. We stood at the bus stop. The snow was a fine sugar sprinkled over everything. We didn’t talk. We didn’t look at each other. Then the bus came. It was crowded and we had to stand. We got off at our stop and went our own ways. The only thing that was said between us was coming down in the lift at the hospital. Holly goes: Why didn’t you tell me? And I said: Because I’m afraid. She said: Afraid of me? And I’m like: No, I’m afraid of what’s happening to me. And she had no answer to that because now she was afraid too. Holly had an answer to everything when we were small.

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