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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

I blushed. I will never marry anybody because I Blush like literally All The Time. I go completely red. I looked into the car. The housekeeper was in there too. If I ever commit a crime I will confess everything the minute the cop says anything you say may be taken down and used against you in a court of law. Or whatever the Irish guards say. I just can’t be arsed lying.

How did you know it was us?

We were watching you for ten minutes, weren’t we, Grace?

We were sat there splitting our sides, Grace said.

Why didn’t you stop us?

Too much fun. But when you broke the bloody window! We didn’t know how to turn off the alarm. You got us into trouble. We don’t want the police, do we, Grace?

Grace: Certainly not, Tom.

Tom: So, the thing is, you have to pay for the bin and the broken window.

Grace: And the call-out for the alarm.

Tom: Yeah, the call-out for the alarm. See, we didn’t know how to reset it. We had to get a nice man to fix it.

He was a nice man, Grace said.

A big old grey-back crow pitched on the road in front of the car. There was something dead that I couldn’t quite make out, a rabbit maybe. The crow looked like an old man throwing his weight around but not very sure of himself. Like a man ordering pints in a pub for people he didn’t like. I was nervous. I’m never sure whether big people are joking or not. Like, I thought the Bowles guy was joking me. If he wasn’t, I was in big trouble. I could get money for things from my dad and my mam but no way could I say I need to pay for the bin I set fire to up in Ballyshane.

I said, My dad hates you.

That changed his tune. He looked at Grace and Grace bent down so she could see out the window better.

Who is your dad, little girl? she said softly.

I shook my head. He wanted Ballyshane, but you got it. He thinks the house belongs to us.

Are you the local IRA or something? Grace said and the two of them laughed. They laughed like crazy. Then they drove away.

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