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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

And after that he told me what happened with John Brown. I said I didn’t want to know. It was too sad. I don’t ever think of John Brown if I can help it because it makes me cry. The last time I deliberately thought about him was his anniversary and I cried all day. And reading the book he gave me didn’t help. But he said he wanted me to know. He had to tell someone.

Don’t tell me. Tell Tosser.

Tosser knows.

Well, don’t tell anyone for fuck’s sake. Keep it secret. Like you’re out of the closet now, put the story of John Brown into the closet instead and close the door.

Suzy listen. It was an accident.

I could feel him shaking in the bed beside me. He couldn’t have been cold, he was fully dressed. Then I realised he was crying. He had one hand in a fist against his face. I put an arm around him idk I never cuddled my brother, he’s my big brother ffs, but I put my arm around him and gave him like a serious hug. We’re not a hugging family. If my mam gave me a hug I would like die. It would be so embarrassing. Like there is this thing in science called hydrophobicity, which is that certain molecules have the property of repelling water. Well, when they put our family together they made one of our properties hug-o-phobicity. And maybe not telling people anything. And fighting.

What’s not generally known is that there is no force in hydrophobicity molecules. They don’t repel water. It’s just there is nothing to draw them together. If they were humans they would just be cold. I googled it. Once upon a time.

71

I heard him peeing and brushing his teeth. Like a horse peeing into a bucket. Why don’t boys sit down? And then I heard him get into bed. I am the observing angel. Nothing happens in my house that I don’t know about. And no one can sleep until I hear them close their eyes. Sometimes I think I hold the house in my hand and maybe the whole world. If I open my fingers it falls through the cracks. If I close my fist everyone dies.

Best year worst year favourite food.

I fell asleep eventually and I dreamed about John Brown. Surprise surprise. Like these days I have mice in my dreams. And floating beams. I dream the weirdest things. But if I could order a good dream from Amazon it would contain John Brown.

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