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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

So it turns out she overdosed on Xanax. It is not an easy thing to overdose on. You need a stockpile. It took her an hour and a half to swallow them. She took them with vodka. Vodka is the go-to liquor for teen suicides. I googled Xanax. It won’t kill you except it’ll stop your breathing. Like it’s hard to be alive and not breathing. But the vodka nearly killed her. Her mother was calling her for dinner and when she didn’t answer she came up to her room. She saw the blister-packs and she saw Serena. She saw that she wasn’t moving, there was vomit on her bed and on the floor, a bad smell. She called the ambulance. In the ambulance her breathing stopped. They got it going again somehow. Ambulance people are ace. She didn’t know much about what happened, they told her things. Her dad works in the hospital but he didn’t come down once to see her.

My first idea was that she met Mr alt.com and that he did something bad, like bad idk maybe raped or worse. What’s worse than rape? But she didn’t meet him. So she said anyway. She said she was getting her head together. Quick WhatsApp summary:

In case ur overthinking I did not meet the guy.

That’s good news anyway.

Thanks.

Welcome.

Ur so jugmental.

I just want you to get well.

Im getting my head together ill be different just watch.

Cool baby love you.

!!???

That was her last message: !!???

So now she has compulsory counselling and a psychiatrist. Her dad is pissed about it. It’s not good for his reputation. And her mother is concerned. That’s what she told my mother. My mother said to me, If you ever do something like that I’ll kill you. Which is ironic really. Suicide by matricide. Or would it be infanticide? I’m scared that Serena will tell her psychiatrist about my cuts and he’ll call my doctor or something, whatever they do. Official channels. Or maybe he’d phone my mam. I stopped cutting for a week while Serena was inside. Then I extended it by a week. It felt good to be clean, but I wanted to go back to it real bad. I am a recovering self-harmer. I think. Idk. I googled Alcoholics Anonymous, the Twelve Steps, but it’s all about God and I don’t do God. Like, We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God. Like prayer and meditation ffs. Conscious contact with God, Jesus wept. Like ever heard of Twitter? Twitter is the Antichrist of meditation and if you’re not there you’re not anywhere. God does not tweet. Like: Thou shalt not kill @ISRAELITES @EVERYBODYELSE.

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