BooksBarbecue
Back Suzy Suzy
Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

What my grandad did was change his will to leave the farm to my mam. My mam wouldn’t sell it so we still own it even though we sold the house. She was crazy about my grandad. He used to call her girl, even after she had me when no way was she a girl. Sometimes when I want to just walk away I go there. Someone else is renting the land from us. He keeps cattle on it. That’s why it’s called Regan’s Glen. We sold the house and it’s gone now. The dude who bought it bulldozed the dwelling house and outhouses and then ran out of money. I think his plan was to build a unique luxury executive-style residence. It’s what we all aspire to in Ireland. But he ended up emigrating to Qatar where he works on building hotels for people who would rather be somewhere nice.

My grandad used to say, Suzy, girl, the land is for you. Even if you have only an acre you have something.

He tried to persuade me to keep pigs. Me. A pig would eat you, they are vicious bastards. I googled it. I could just see myself getting knocked over and looking up at a pig who wanted the full Irish for his breakfast. Remember, I even thought about having pigs eat my mam during my axe-murder phase.

So now when my mam is pissed with me she says, You better go and buy a pig because I’m not keeping you a minute more in this house.

And maybe I will buy a pig. Maybe I could train him to talk like in that film. It was OK. I saw it on telly. Some people stopped eating pork chops afterwards. Like I would.

Maybe he would like me and not want to eat me. And we could have a pet and mistress relationship. Not. Definitely not like Fifty Shades of Grey. Not even Two Shades of It.

And one thing that everybody knows is that my dad has like fourteen of the fifteen personality traits of the psychopath. And he’s working on the last one.

61

So they picked Bowles up for questioning about the murder. That was a surprise. Like I said to Dad, He’s gay, he wouldn’t do it. Dad was unaware of the gayness thing. He didn’t believe it. I also pointed out that he was smaller than me, like no way could he overpower a fit young woman. My dad said he could have been one of the violent gays and they get amazing strength. So then we had a conversation about the violent gays which I was unaware of as a specific type of gay. My dad said it was well known and that was that. When my dad thinks something is well known it usually means he made it up or it’s some crap he heard on a talk show.