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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

And now it’s all about an abortion referendum. Willy The Right To Life is all psyched up about it. They’re going to close the floodgates. Willy and his gang don’t give a Flying Fuck what happens once the baby pops as long as he’s baptised and Saved For God. I baptise you in the Name of the F and the S and the HG, Right, Fuck Off. This time the referendum seems to be about overturning the last one idk or maybe it’s about not having a referendum. You mostly only hear Willy’s side and for them it’s always the last battle. Holy people willying all over the TV or the radio. Or maybe it’s about gays idk. Or maybe that WAS the last one. In this country we keep doing referendums until they turn out right. Ireland is the superbitch referendum location. Is this the way it always is? History does not.

And thus Serena’s father is doing his willying thing on the radio, this time it’s about some poor woman who died. They got him into the studio to talk about foetal abnormality, which I know all about from my baby phase. They got him on so he could say that abortion was the wrong way to treat foetal abnormality and that even abnormal babies have a right to life, better one minute of life than none at all, mothers are selfish if they want to terminate a viable baby and all that crap. Like I want to say what about the babies that don’t have a brain? What about the one that lived twelve years and never had a thought in all that time? What about that baby’s parents? I never want to have a baby. It’s just too much idk it’s not fair.

So this is what’s happening: Serena and me and Holly are on the bus and the driver has the radio playing and it’s Wednesday half day so we’re listening to the news and there’s Serena’s father saying all this shit. And I say, To listen to him you’d think he loves children. And Serena starts to cry. And then I’m crying and that starts Holly off. The three of us, just sitting in the bus, waiting for our stop, crying our eyes out because Serena’s father is Willy The Right To Life and he doesn’t love Serena. And I try to say I’m sorry but I can’t.

41

So it turns out my dad is in trouble with the Revenue. They went through his books and they Invited Him In For A Conversation ^—^, and the subject of the conversation was how he owed them a couple of million euros. It turned out his business plan was really brilliant: Don’t Pay Tax. He should get Entrepreneur Of The Year.