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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

Our parish priest is a Five Star Grade A Nutter. Once I heard him give a sermon at a funeral and he compared a dead person to a chicken coming out of the oven. Like the person wasn’t even being cremated. The coming out of the oven part was when the person got to heaven. I wanted to shout, But they’re going to eat him! Like who would want to go to heaven if a bunch of your family and friends were waiting around at the other end with a knife and a fork? He is An Absolute Spacer.

And around that time Serena went to Fuerteventura, and that was that. It’s hate messages now. U fckin slag I hate u. Nobody likes u ur useless. I usd to lik u b4 but u were betr then. U have no frens. I hate your guts sht I hate you so much. Like quoting McBusted is a lethal weapon. But I don’t give a shit. I just know what she’s like. If she punctuated them and spelled them right I might take more interest. I couldn’t be arsed to block her.

But she did one thing I will never forgive her for. She told people I was lesbian and I was with Holly. That was the end of her for me. Like, whatever about hating me, she didn’t have to do that to Holly.

Calling people lesbian was like an emerging trend in our class.

I never told Holly but she found out anyway. She told me. I said I was mortified about it. She said she didn’t give a fuck, and maybe we should do it anyway since we had the name for it. The two of us fell down laughing at that. Holly is one chick who doesn’t swing both ways. Her family is weird. Sometimes I think her dad really is an anarchist or a communist or whatever he says he is. My brother says he’s an ageing hippy. They have books. Like in my family the only room with books is my bedroom. Holly has read more books than me.

Holly wanted me to fix Serena but I’m not getting into that shit. And she didn’t have a plan anyway. So.

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