BooksBarbecue
Back Suzy Suzy Save as PDF
Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

I shrugged. I know I shouldn’t shrug, I’ve been warned, but sometimes a shrug is all there is. What can you say? My dad will do whatever he wants. You can’t talk to him. My mam is the last person that could say anything. She has like two registers, as my English teacher would say, normal and ballistic. Usually I can shrug invisibly. It’s like my shrugs take place in a parallel universe or a different reality, nobody notices, I shrug and everything is the same before and after. But today she saw me. She pointed her finger at me.

Don’t you shrug at me, Suzy Regan. If your father has a heart attack I know who to blame.

I burst into tears. I legit hate tears. My mam took one look at me and made that face that says, How did I give birth to something like you?

Just do what you’re told and go to school tomorrow. He has enough stress.

She got up and walked out. I heard her peeing then flushing in the downstairs toilet, sound-proofing in my house is shit Even Though We Have Gold Taps, then running water, the front door slamming. Then she was gone. Outside it was a February day which is meant to be the start of spring and idk but things did look a bit crisper, like there was life starting deep down. But it was a cold blue day and the sky was hard as ice. It looked like it might shatter and fall in. It would lacerate the world and all who sailed in it. The broken glass of the universe falling on our hearts like love.

6

So, OK, this is not going to be a confession. But you know, I was seventeen and I dreamed of what it would be like to have a man inside me. I tried some things, you can imagine, or you’ll have to imagine, because this is not turning into anything like that. So get over it. And it’s not going to be like History either, no jigsaw puzzle pieces falling into place. Maybe sometime in the future, like after the Leaving or something, I’ll be able to look back and say, Now I understand it. But I doubt it. Because we are not Living Through History, like Miss Leahy the Religion teacher says. Instead we are Living Through Random Shit, which is what Miss Regan, aka Me, says.

But what I’m trying to say is I was ready for something to happen and it did. But picture my surprise when it turned out not to be about sex. Like when you’re in the teenage-girl demographic you think the only thing that can happen is like losing your virginity to a Harry Styles lookalike. I legit wanted to lose it to Harry Styles from One Direction when I was fourteen. I would have settled for losing it to a fan even.