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Back Suzy Suzy Save as PDF
Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

I forget which day it was but it was definitely the daytime because the one o’clock news was on and they were talking about some guy who is meant to have murdered a girl who was suicidal. Like he could have murdered half my friends. Idk we all think about it.

Then comes Angry Dad. He could do with anger management classes if they have them for property speculators. My dad is more than a tad overweight to say the least and when he gets angry it’s like a machine was turned on that wasn’t nailed down properly. When he comes home early from the office it’s Bad News. He can fix most things. Once he said to me: There’s very few problems that won’t run away if you throw money at them. He has reserves or assets. Whatever.

For fuck’s sake, Dan, you could have fucking rang me, Jesus. That was a serious bid. You owe me one, Dan, you owe me a fucking big one. Are you going to let this English bastard get his foot in the door? You disregarded bids before when it suited you. Are you fucking serious? You fucking bastard. By Jesus you’ll be sorry. I’ll fucking bury you.

Then Deadly Serious Dad: I’ll tell you something for nothing, Dan Kelleher. Write this down now because I want you to remember it. This is a small town. And you can fucking forget about the party nomination. We wouldn’t fucking nominate you for a run to the jakes.

He means it too. What’s not generally known about my dad is that he carries grudges All The Way To The Bank And Back. One of these days he’ll do something and when he does it will mean Money and probably Politics. Politics for Dad is just capitalism by other means.

3

He took his jacket off in his study and threw it on the floor. He was seriously pissed about Dan Kelleher. When he came out his face was the colour of Heinz Ketchup. Which is crap. I hate it. My mam puts it on everything more or less.

Make me a cup of tea, Suzy. I’m parched.

Did you hear about the real estate agent who sold a two-story house, Dad? The first story was fake and the second story didn’t hold up.

He looked at me. I had the kettle in my hand. It’s not an electric kettle. It’s one that goes on the hob. Like I want my family to get an electric kettle like everybody else in Ireland but they say they are wasteful of money. Some electrician guy told them. My life, I swear.

That’s cat, Suzy. Your jokes are really cat. Only you’re so good at school, I’d march you straight in there this very minute.

Cat = crap in Dad Language.

Some English fucker blew me out of the water.