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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

I looked at her. She had straw-coloured hair that was thin and totally straight. She never even had to use a straightener. Her eyes were a sort of hazel brown. She had thin straight lips. Like her figure was perfect because she never ate anything. Once she was sort of curvy, sort of chubby, and then about twelve she downsized big time. She went from curvy to svelte and recently it was skin and bones. The skin and bones happened without me noticing. I am not the best noticer. She would make a great model, like she already has the anorexia and the drug habit. All she does is pick at food, but she can pick at it in such a way that people think she’s eating. She was still staring at the verbs.

Then she said, I’m crap at the conditional.

Me too, I said, me too.

Like what’s the difference between je serai and je serais? How would you know which is which? I don’t even know how to pronounce them.

Beats me, I said.

She started to cry. I put my arm around her. She just cried there for a bit. And then she said she was sorry and I said it was OK. I took my own tissue from my sleeve and dried her eyes. For two seconds I thought she was going to kiss me which would be idk maybe ew, but then maybe not, but then she didn’t. And we started on our books again. And ten minutes later her dad came home. I heard the front door opening and quiet footsteps. Serena stopped breathing until she heard a door close somewhere else. Probably his office.

I’m on a new tablet, she said. I’m much better now.

74

All the stories we couldn’t tell our fathers. Like practically my whole life. The day he found out about Tony was the worst day ever. Like the absolute worst, even worse than what happened after. I don’t know how it started. These things get leaked. Someone said something at the club or some fucking club. Like, I see your lad is a homo, Mattie boy. Something friendly in a gin-and-tonic press-the-flesh press release in the Green Room of Castlemartin fucking Golf Club. Freedom of information. I know what they say about gay people. It is seriously hard to be around people sometimes.

I wasn’t there when he found out and I wasn’t there when he got home. When he exploded.

Like maybe he expected grandchildren or something. Someone he could love in his old age when love finally caught up with him. Or maybe he expected a strategic marriage so he could own the only daughter of an Audi dealership as well as a million houses. Just lately, I think I hated him more than my mother. Only I never knew.