My dad was complaining about chest pains. My mam said it was stress because of Ballyshane and like his plan of vengeance on Dan Kelleher. Like Dad was so George Bush. And that made Dan Kelleher Saddam Hussein and look where that went. And then she said it was indigestion because he was eating too fast. Like my mam should be a qualified surgeon or something. Then she said he was getting an ulcer. Then she said he was stressing because he thought he was having a heart attack and he couldn’t be because he didn’t have a pain down his left arm. When he got a pain down his left arm she took him to the Lighthouse Clinic which is Private so you get an appointment immediately and they did tests and said his heart was perfect and he had indigestion and a doctor there gave him a prescription for something to fix his digestion. I googled it and it was true. It was a proton pump inhibitor and it suppressed the production of excess acid, but the things it was used for were scarier than a heart attack. So idk. I’m scared. I’m so scared.

My dad said the Lighthouse place was cat. He hated flowers and people calling him Sir. Would you take a seat, Sir? Would you fill out this form, Sir? Can you settle your account in advance please, Sir? Sir is cat to him. He says it’s English. But Americans say it too. Like boys say Sir to their dads. At least on TV. It’s totally bizarre. Like having a flag on a flag-pole outside your house. Like even who wants a flag pole in the garden? Even if you didn’t put a flag on it? It’s weird.