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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

Páraic picked Tony up from college and dropped him home most days. Which meant Tony actually had to go to lectures. Tony was even talking about moving in with him. He has a flat not owned by my dad. It was a nice place with a sea view. Not Executive Home standard nice, but nice all the same. Him and Tony brought me to dinner there one day. He has a big window and you can see ships going up the channel to the city docks. Páraic is a good cook. We had crab soup to start. Like I don’t know about crab, it’s seriously unlike anything you should eat. And the eyes are something else. You could get them in Aliens where they would emerge from Sigourney Weaver’s bellybutton. But the soup was OK and basically you couldn’t tell it was crab because there was no shell. Then some kind of vegetable thing for mains and strawberry pavlova for dessert. The pavlova was fab. Pavlova is my all-time fave.

So I like him. He is a Science teacher. He is qualified to teach Science through Irish which must be really weird. I mean I know there has to be a word for everything, but like how would you say Large Hadron Collider for example? Or what’s the Irish for the output states of J-K flip-flops?

Serena asked me about Tony. It was the same question I asked her. When is he going to tell my dad? I said I didn’t know. He was waiting until my dad got the all clear about the stent. Technically his heart is still in recovery. Anyway, my mam was cool with it and my dad is not the noticing type. Not unless Tony’s boyfriend had a For Sale sign attached and maybe on-street parking.

So I totally didn’t believe in being pregnant and having a period at the same time, which Serena was like, I didn’t have my period for two months. And I was like, Holly said you were on. And Serena flipped.

And I was also not believing in the three times a night anymore. The way I saw it, if Jack did her once that was him sorted and his next thought would be, Hello, hello, we are the Chelsea boys. Sex first then Chelsea FC. And Serena was way too cool. If I was pregnant, and I wasn’t because (a) my two periods were dead on time and (b) I didn’t let Jack do it, which is a killer where pregnancy is concerned, I would be jumping. But if pretending to be pregnant was good for her, it was OK by me too.

As a matter of fact Jack keeps texting me. Suzy story? wanna do sthing on firday night? I never reply. He is a wanker.

We did some work. After about an hour she said, Can I ask you something?