BooksBarbecue
Back Suzy Suzy Save as PDF
Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

I was just in bed when I heard him coming out of his room downstairs. I heard him peeing. Then I heard a crash. I went down. He hadn’t turned on any lights. I turned on the bathroom light. He was sitting up with his back against the wall of the shower. He looked totally out of it. I wondered what he was taking. He looked like my brother Tony after he had been smoking weed. I don’t think my dad was into weed. He wasn’t cut or anything but there was a broken glass and two toothbrushes on the floor. There was a slight smell of mouthwash.

Are you OK, Dad?

He just looked at me for a minute. Then he said, I never realised it was so much.

What, Dad?

He shook his head. No matter what she says, it wasn’t like this from the start.

Dad, you’re not making any sense. What are you talking about?

He started to cry. I never thought I would see my dad cry. It was horrible. Then he pulled out about a metre of toilet paper and tore it off and bundled it up and wiped his eyes and blew his nose. He didn’t look at me. He was looking down at something on the stone floor. There was a dead woodlouse there that I killed yesterday. I’m scared of woodlice. Now it looked like a dead decepticon. I don’t think he was looking at that.

Dad?

I wish my heart finished the job.

First I wasn’t sure I heard right. Then I didn’t know what to say. It’s not a child’s job to stop their father wanting to die. Where would I learn that? I tried to think what they told us. Let your friend talk. Seek help from someone you trust. Jesus wept twice. Who even lives out here in this crappy wilderness?

Dad, talk to me.

Now he looked up at me. I smell burning, he said.

There’s nothing burning, Dad.

He shrugged. I don’t think he could see me properly. He was looking at me like I was hollow.

This country, he said, is never going to last. Will I tell you why, Suzy? Because the odds are always stacked against the little man. Anyone who wants to do anything. The country is full of wasters and scroungers. I’m supposed to pay so they can live like fucking kings. They want to take my money and throw it down their gullets out of pint glasses. The money I earned the hard way? Well, I’ll tell you something for nothing, they’re not going to get me. Oh no, they’re not going to fucking get me.

He got up from the floor.

Dad, I should get a doctor.