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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

But actually I did google it. My dad is acting weird, hitting his head, walking around like a zombie, not talking, taking sleeping pills. I got: Learn First Aid for psychosis; Symptoms of substance-induced psychotic disorder; I feel like I’m losing my mind, I beg of you to reply; My life as an Ambien Zombie. It turns out that Ambien is a sedative used in the short-term treatment of insomnia. I got one point one million hits. That’s Google.

Me: Are you and Mam going to break up?

Dad: Don’t be ridiculous.

Me: What’s going on?

Dad: I told you what’s going on. We’re going to lie low for a while.

Me: We’re absconding. I know it. You should talk to someone, Dad.

Dad: No, it’s only absconding if the summons has been served.

Me: Did you ask your solicitor about this?

Dad: You can’t ask a solicitor about something like that. I googled it.

I could see my dad sitting in his car googling summonses and absconding on his mobile. Five billion hits. All from people who successfully absconded up to that point. No updates because the whole bunch are in a prison where they don’t get WiFi. Like, maybe just one of them might have said, Guys, be cool, this is not a good idea, it’s illegal, you could end up in gaol. But it would be hit number five billion and one. My dad is not the brightest idk it’s like he has a money brain but no real brain. They say entrepreneurs are geniuses, you hear it on the radio, like do you want to affirm and reward these unique individuals, Ernst & Young Entrepreneur Of The Year and all that shite, but you don’t have be a genius to make money out of money, you just need a brass neck. And once you have money the dodgy chancers come round like bees to honey. I think he loved my mam, but did she love him, idk, maybe? You can’t believe everything she says.

I decided I had to go with him because otherwise he’d lose it completely. He needed someone to take care of him and it looked like that someone was me.

The most scariest thing my dad said to me that Sunday? I have everything under control, Suzy, just relax.

The only person I told was Holly because you couldn’t tell Serena. And anyway Serena was obsessed by Graham Dwyer and why he had handcuffs and stuff.

Holly thought it was a great idea. Screw the law, she said, you’d be like outlaws, guerrillas, Robin Hood and his Merry Men. I want to come too. My daddy and mammy would love it.