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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

So my brother crashed my mam’s car and it was a total write-off. He got out and walked away. Not a scratch on him. My mam said he was lucky and a car was only a car. I saw her hug him so hard I thought she would stop his heart. My mam really loves my brother. I would have killed her there and then with a kitchen knife except for my brother Tony. I am crazy about him. I even know which knife I would use. It would be the one with a serrated edge on both sides.

They weren’t worrying about the insurance. My mam was trying to work out how not to tell Dad. She would say she traded it in. She was getting a new one. I couldn’t believe it. Of all the histories my family dreamt up, the one about my mam trading in her precious Audi was the crappiest. I knew my dad would not swallow it for a second. He would go ballistic.

And I was thinking, I almost lost my big brother. I was sad. Really sad. I felt like I was looking at a ghost. Like he was already dead and his body was in a field surrounded by broken bits of himself and my mam’s Audi. And if nobody found him he would turn into a bundle of bones like Lucy and in a couple of million years some scientist would wonder if he was related to the high metal content in the soil. We studied Lucy when I was doing Biology. There was a bite mark on her pelvis. We had a good teacher then but she left. Someone buried Lucy three point two million years ago give or take and my guess is that she died the hard way and whoever buried her was broken-hearted. I have the feeling she was my age. I saw her bones on Wikipedia. It was sad.

And then my dad came home for his lunch and the freaking started. He already knew the whole story because one of his pals in the guards called him. My dad keeps the local guards sweet. He almost hit my brother. Then he almost hit my mam. They were screaming. It was Mam and my brother against my dad. And my mam screaming, Calm down, you’ll have a fucking heart attack! All the usual stuff. And the price of the car. And the insurance wouldn’t cover it. And my brother is a useless git. And the guards said there were no brake marks. I went to my room.

There were no brake marks on the road. I knew what was going on.