My mother rolled her eyes again. My brother got up and tipped his bones and a few stale chips into the bin and said he was going out. My mother said not to be too late. He has a girlfriend and the whole family approves of her. She’s bottle-blonde and her father has the agency for Audi. I think she’s a bitch and I’m pretty sure she’s two-timing my brother. I’ve been stalking her online. I made up a person for Facebook and got her to friend me and I’m keeping a close eye on her goings-on. She has a Twitter account too but it’s mostly about make-up and I couldn’t be arsed. Twitter is stupid anyway. All my friends fight because they say things on Twitter that they regret. It’s the same with celebrities. First there’s this OK guy who is in a band or something and he has ten million followers and then he tweets something, racism or something, and suddenly he’s not in the band any more and he has like two followers and one of them is his mother. I never say anything on Twitter. Or Facebook either really. Once upon a time one of my friends tweeted about her period and she nearly committed suicide because of what people said. It’s a minefield. My English teacher told us the best thing: Don’t say anything on Twitter or Facebook that you wouldn’t say to someone’s face if your mother and father were standing beside you. That pretty much rules everything out. Like Twitter is OK for politicians saying they’re cutting jobs or something, but everybody else should just shut up. Like our local man Micky Molloy had a Twitter account and all his tweets began with the words, Great to meet with … Like, Great to meet with the reps of Farming industry this morning … or Great to meet with the Swedish ambassador yesterday … He got nicknamed Great-To-Meet Micky. It was an improvement on his previous which was Dirty Micky. Micky is Blue Party of course. His grandfather went to Spain to fight for the wrong crowd, I forget which one, we’re doing the Spanish Civil War next I think, the side that won anyway. But he never fired a shot and the whole Blue Party gang got sent home because they were useless wankers. That kind of thing runs in families like wooden legs, as my grandad used to say. My grandad was Green Party in the days when only poor people were Green. If they ever were idk you couldn’t always believe what my grandad said, he was a great talker. And there’s another Blue Party guy called Consider It Done John Waldron. He’s in a different constituency or county idk which is like a different galaxy really, we hate them because hurling. According to my dad when he says Consider It Done it’s the Kiss Of Death idk why.