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Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

My dad picked me up from school. I hate being picked up in a Lexus. And I know this is totally a first-world middle-class problem as Holly never tires of explaining. But it’s like driving around in a marketing opportunity. I wish it was a Honda Civic or something. Like I would love if my dad’s car was the same as Holly’s. Holly’s dad has a sheet of stainless steel under the driver’s seat because the floor of the car rusted. It is a Toyota Corolla. He had an unfortunate experience with sea water. Once upon a time he was driving somewhere in bad weather and he did not notice that the road was underwater. He might have been stoned. I’m not saying Holly’s dad is a stoner, but he’s definitely not anti. He had to get the fire brigade to push him out. As a matter of fact the fire brigade was there anyway, marking the flooding and warning people not to drive into it. Holly’s dad was not sure how he missed that because there were flashing lights. The car started straight away and he drove off. He forgot about it. But one day about a year later he sat into the car and the seat went straight through to the road. Luckily it didn’t happen when he was moving, like if he went over a bump he would have been Dragging His Arse Along The Road At Sixty whatever. Holly’s dad is just totally cool about all that. He got a friend to cut him a sheet of stainless. My dad would have taken the car sales company to court and he would have bought a new car. If something can be thrown away, my dad throws it.

So this is the conversation.

Me: I think Serena is getting bullied by some of the girls.

Dad: Really?

Me: Well like I don’t know. Maybe. They were making comments about her today.

Dad: (Silence)

Me: (After a while) They were saying she’s a slut but she’s not. Like saying she goes with an older man.

Dad: Tsk tsk. Don’t say words like that, Suzy. Serena is a nice girl.

Me: Harsh, Dad. I didn’t say it, they did.

Dad: Well, it’s not nice.

Me: Dad, I’m talking about the bitches. They’re superbitches some of them. You should hear….

Dad: Suzy! That’s enough. Don’t say bitches. We have some rules in our house, you know.

Me: (Silence)

Dad: (Silence)