My brother. Sometimes I think I love him more than anyone and sometimes I hate him. Like when I was sick once he sat with me all night. When I woke up in the morning he was there asleep in a chair. And another time he told me how lonely he was. Aw. And then there was the time that I told him I was depressed and he came out of his bedroom and handed me a pack of razor blades. It took me a while to work out what they were for. I looked it up on the net. Some of those blogs are terrible. They made me sad. Then another time when we were at the beach he took our dog out into the water and held him by the tail so he couldn’t swim for shore. Then he started to push him down. I didn’t realise what was happening. He was laughing. When I saw what he was doing I told my mam and she just laughed. My brother can do anything and she never says a word to him. I said, He’ll die, Mam, The Dog is going to drown. Don’t be stupid, she said, it’s his dog, he’s not going to hurt him. And there’s another thing. When he got The Dog everybody had an idea what to call him but my brother said, His name is The Dog. Then the time he discovered superglue. He tried to superglue a butterfly’s wing to the bulb of his reading light but the superglue burned through the wing so you had a butterfly with a hole in its wing trying to fly. And another time he superglued the locks in one of his teacher’s cars. Like the teacher was a wanker but that must have cost him a fortune. My brother thought it was completely funny. And then another time there was snow and my bus didn’t turn up and I was on my own at the bus stop and it was getting dark and he walked three miles through the snow with a warm coat and a pair of boots and waited with me until my mam got out of work. I would have frozen to death and got frostbite but for him. He got his driving licence at eighteen on the first attempt and after that he often came to pick me up from school on really bad days. But I put a stop to it because of this one time. He was like doing a hundred in a sixty zone. When I asked him to slow down he started to swing the wheel. Every time we passed another car he swung the wheel towards it and straightened out at the last second. People were blowing horns. Like he could have killed us and half a dozen other people. I’m surprised nobody sent for the guards, but maybe people recognised my mam’s car. It’s an Audi A5 Sportback. While we’re dodging killing people, he decided to tell a joke. Like the joke is: This German car salesman gets his wife to have sex with four springs under her and blowing on a duck caller, and when she asks him why, he says he was at a sales conference and they were all talking about this brilliant four-sprung-duck technique.