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Back Suzy Suzy
Chapters (90)
  1. Cover
  2. By the same author
  3. SUZY SUZY
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Glossary of Dialect Terms
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. 61
  68. 62
  69. 63
  70. 64
  71. 65
  72. 66
  73. 67
  74. 68
  75. 69
  76. 70
  77. 71
  78. 72
  79. 73
  80. 74
  81. 75
  82. 76
  83. 77
  84. 78
  85. 79
  86. 80
  87. 81
  88. 82
  89. About William Wall
  90. An Invitation from the Publisher

Favourite food?

You added up the last two numbers in each year and the total told you how old you would be when you get married. And then you took the two numbers in the age and picked out the corresponding letters in the favourite food and they were the initials of the person you would marry. Mine was

2013

2015

Omelette

28

M.E.

Holly thought it was hilarious but I thought it was sad because it was probably true. Wait, I said, what if my favourite food was sushi? She said you just kept counting until you got the numbers. So sushi would be SS. I said, that’s worse. SS equals Serena Sheils. Oh Jesus, I said, I think I’d rather buy a pig. We just like totally cracked up. We were on the bus and people turned around to see if we were all right. Holly started to do her Ed Sheeran imitation. Holly has Ed Sheeran nailed.

When we calmed down Holly said, Why 2012?

That was my grandad’s seventy-fifth.

She squeezed my arm. I remember, she said.

Then I said, What if I had to ask Willy The Right To Life for his daughter’s hand in marriage? I’d have to go down on one knee.

And Holly goes: I wouldn’t kneel down in front of Willy if you paid me a million.

What would the Pope do?

And that started us off again. We were Rolling On The Floor Laughing. Like virtually literally. I wasn’t talking to Serena since the episode in the station when she sold me out so we could laugh at her as much as we liked.

I said, And knowing Serena I’d get a text from her in the middle of the wedding night to say she had to be pregnant because we didn’t use anything.

And Holly said, That reminds me. Maura O’Keefe told me Serena was asking her about missing periods.

Oh Jesus.

I know. I forgot to tell you. It was at big break.

Like the night of the cop station she texted me. She said they did it three times.

Me and Holly looked at each other. I don’t know what it did to Holly but it made me feel weak all over. Three times. In one night. Well, in one evening, because she would have been home before late. And I was a bit jealous too tbh if she was pregnant. I don’t know why that would be. But the thought of a baby growing inside. Like I remember this baby homecoming video and the mother had two scotties and they had the scotties on the bed and the baby cradle thingy and it was just cute. And the scotties liked the baby. Or at least they didn’t bite him. They didn’t lick him or anything just sort of looked.