‘Hi,’ he said, looking at me.

‘Daisy, this is Simon. He has been assigned as my family liaison officer. We’ve got quite a rapport going on, haven’t we buddy?’ Patrick slapped Simon’s arm in his usual jovial manner. Simon smiled kindly and held out his hand to me.

‘It’s nice to finally meet you, Daisy,’ he said. I placed my small hand in his large firm grip and let him shake it. ‘So guys, the way this is going to work is, they will call you in in a little while. You will sit at the front. So far, it looks like it is just you two. When you get called I will walk you through into the room. You will hear the full report read out and you might be asked to say a few words, about Eve and the night it happened.’ I felt my stomach drop and my face must have done something similar. ‘Don’t worry!’ Simon reassured. ‘Just basic stuff, just to clarify and it’s mostly yes/no answers anyway. There will be some things that you might not want to hear…. like the way Eve died, but it’s okay, you’ll be fine. There will probably be a journalist sat at the back, taking notes for a small piece in the paper. It’s so small…’ Simon noted my expression again. ‘Then that’s it pretty much really. You’ll be fine.’ Simon looked at Patrick for encouragement.

‘Yep, come on, Daisy, let’s go and do this for our girl.’ I allowed myself to be taken into the court room.

Patrick held my hand tighter than I had expected. I knew it was for his own sake and not mine.

Yet for the thirty minutes we were in the room listening to how Eve’s head had made contact with the kitchen work surface when she was catapulted backwards during the gas explosion, and how the explosion was caused by a faulty gas appliance, I died a little more inside because I knew I was to blame. I was solely to blame because how could Eve be to blame? Eve was no more, so couldn’t bear the burden. Neither of us had reported the fault to the landlord, so he certainly wasn’t to blame. Of course, the coroner’s report didn’t at any time mention that one particular person was at fault, but I knew I was. I didn’t cry because I felt I didn’t deserve to cry. Instead I pinched my right thigh with my right hand and began to build the self-hatred within myself that would stay there for a very long time.

Outside the coroner’s court, Patrick tried to comfort me over and over again, but I rejected his comments and his arms.

‘I can’t see you for a while, Patrick. I hope you understand. I just need to deal with this. I can’t do that if I see you. Please, please don’t contact me.’

‘But, darling,’ Patrick held his hand out even though he knew it was about to be made redundant. ‘I need you. You’re all I have left of her.’ I pushed past him and rushed out into the bright morning and headed towards the café.