Ben scooted closer to my chair and rested his hand on my leg. ‘It’s not a holiday Daisy. It’s working with this band, recording. I’m getting paid. It’s an actual job.’

‘But Ben? The baby? You’ll be in… where is the Outer Hebrides anyway?’ I could feel my jaw tensing; my stomach was making some sort of butterfly sensation but not the sort I liked.

‘Scotland.’ Ben touched my hand and looked into my eyes, his head slightly tilted, his mouth stretched into a strained smile. The look he gave me was one he always wore when he really wanted me to understand something. ‘It’s supposed to be beautiful, quiet, a very inspiring place to record music. I know, Daze, it’s not perfect timing, but what is?’ He motioned to my ever-growing stomach.

‘But… I thought… the bloody Outer Hebrides. You may as well be in outer space!’ I knew I sounded childlike. I looked over at Eve who was far too engrossed in the fairy lights. I looked back at Ben. ‘For how long again, did you say?’ I said in a small voice.

Ben swallowed hard. ‘About three months, give or take. Obviously they are flexible, and they know our circumstances.’

‘Three. Months.’ I could feel actual panic setting in. He was leaving me, he was deserting me. How would I cope with the baby? I could be giving birth. Alone.

Ben shrugged his shoulders ‘They really like me, Daze.’

‘Well, that’s not hard.’ I paid the compliment glumly.

‘And hey, first babies come late, right?’ Ben looked over at Eve for confirmation and I felt my stomach lurch again. Yes, first babies often did.

‘How should I know?’ Eve flashed a look our way, then continued to tug furiously at the lights.

There were too many feelings racing around my body. This moment with Ben, this felt out of my control.

‘Daisy, I’ll make sure I’m back for the birth.’

I looked at Eve sitting opposite. Cool Eve who let her boyfriend, Patrick, go and do whatever he wanted yet he still came running back like a lovesick puppy every time. That’s the attitude I knew I needed to adopt. But I was fearful of being rejected. I was scared of being pushed away again, of losing someone precious.

‘Maybe your folks will come back for the birth? It would be nice to meet them?’ Ben looked up at me.

Sweat prickled in my arm pits, and my mouth went dry as my body prepared itself for fight or flight mode.

‘It’s a long journey to make,’ I said quietly.

‘Sure.’ Ben nodded. He had asked as much about my parents as I had asked about his absent dad since our first night together. He always seemed to accept my one-dimensional answers.

I knew what I needed to say to Ben to make it right, to show him I was strong. He didn’t need to know I was weak and broken.

I took a deep breath. ‘But there is absolutely no doubt in my mind. You should do it. You’ve worked hard all your life and someone is offering you a wonderful opportunity. It would be completely selfish of me to hold you back. Just get back in time for the baby.’ I delivered the lines I knew he wanted to hear perfectly whilst my body contorted inside.