When it was time to leave and there were a few remaining bodies floating about the pub, taking advantage of the free drink, I approached Patrick who was leaning against the bar. I placed one arm around his waist. I was familiar with the feel of his body and it felt comfortable to do so. I laid my head on his chest, feeling the fascination at the new, sudden closeness I had adopted with my best friend’s boyfriend.

‘You did so well today, Pat. Well done. Eve would have been so proud of you.’

Patrick rubbed my back. ‘Funny cos the only person I’ve wanted to see all day, to talk about it with, is Eve.’

I flipped my head back and gazed at Patrick. ‘I know exactly how you feel.’

It didn’t seem right that Patrick and I should go our separate ways at the end of the day. Even though all I wanted to do was sleep and I imagined Patrick wanted to do the same, it seemed ludicrous that we should do it under separate roofs thirty miles apart on today of all days.

Patrick booked a car, and we wearily said our goodbyes to the bar staff and climbed into the waiting black taxi with its loud chugging diesel engine. Neither of us spoke a word on the journey back to Patrick’s flat. There were no words that seemed at all appropriate. I was carrying a weight of disbelief and I knew Patrick was feeling the same. The word ‘lost’ is often used when referring to someone dying; people will regularly say ‘I lost my husband’ or ‘I lost my mum.’ I had lost Eve, yet lost was also exactly how I felt as well. We drove away from the pub that had no association with Eve yet all the while I felt a tug to return there. As though I wasn’t ready to give up the day.

The taxi pulled to a halt outside the block of ocean-facing flats. Even in the low light of the taxi I could see Patrick pay the driver with several notes more than he needed to.

At the communal door Patrick gave a thin smile and motioned for me to lead the way to the second floor.

‘I was going to go and try and get my old classes back tomorrow. I know it’s probably too soon and everything but I need to do something. Now the funeral’s over, there’s an empty space and it’s getting wider every minute. I need to start filling my life with something, or I know I will go mad. I can’t sit around on my arse not doing anything. And I know it’s a bloody cliché and I just hate myself for saying it, but it’s what Eve would want.’ I could hear the tired tension in my voice as I rambled on, casually walking around the lounge. Suddenly I felt very conscious of being here, alone with Patrick, having only ever been here with Eve. I eventually stopped my pacing and slinked into a spot on the sofa next to the sunken pit where Patrick obviously had a penchant for the area slightly left of the middle.