“Jamie?” Terry’s voice calls out. I clamp my mouth shut and leap back up. Stumble out of the fake canoe. Terry’s by the trees, at the edge of the path. “Jamie, you’re strictly forbidden from those canoes right now. Please come back to the cabin.”

I start trekking her way. “Already en route, Terr.”

“Sleep well, Jamie,” Zarar says quietly. I don’t look back.

What the hell was that? I was so close to … venting. I almost sat down and spilled my entire sob story like a sad whiny asshole to a dude I met twenty-four hours ago. I felt it all cresting in the back of my throat like a tidal wave. I don’t need to burden others with my issues. They’re mine.

17. Angst and Flashbacks

SIRI

August 29, Saturday Evening

Colorado

Confirmation of Jamie’s existence has slammed a finger down on the rewind button in my mind. I have to rethink everything anyone’s ever said to me.

Mom lied about the existence of a sibling. I’ve spent so much of my life thinking something was wrong with me! Worrying about my brain! And those worries rippled out into obsessing over every aspect of my health.

I only have broken memories of Jamie. How she looked like me, what she sounded like. I remember I wanted to be just like her. And then she was gone.

The door to Terry’s cabin slams open.

“We’re back!” Jamie sings in an irritatingly cheery voice. “Terry says it’s time to bond.” She looks over her shoulder at Terry. “Are we making friendship bracelets? I make a mean friendship bracelet.”

The two of them settle back onto the love seat. I find myself staring at Jamie’s clothes. She’s wearing a pair of gray sweats and a gray sweatshirt. I was too distracted before to notice. She looks like Danny Zuko when he goes through his jock phase in Grease.

My stomach lurches as she catches me leering. “Admiring my ensemble?” Jamie asks.

“No,” I answer hastily.

“I was mandatorily re-clothed with Terry’s scraps.” Jamie puckers her lips. “Danny Zuko but make it fashion … Terr, you’ve got my overalls going in your secret washing machine, correct?”

Did both of us watch Grease together with Mom? Was it not just the two of us? Did the three of us dance to choreography from “We Go Together” in front of the TV?

I can’t believe I have to do this again. Question every memory. Reprocess. I already did this to get rid of her.

“I think maybe you two would benefit from private sessions with Donya during your stay,” Terry proposes.

“Who’s Donya?” Jamie asks.

“She’s our licensed counselor here,” Terry explains.

I remember Jamie braiding my hair. She knew how to do all these weird fancy braids. At six.

“We can handle this ourselves,” Jamie insists.