My stomach dips in embarrassment. We didn’t say we love each other like sisters are supposed to either. Will we ever get to a point where we can casually say Love you? How do we do that?

After ten minutes I enter the security line. I’m nervous handing the agent Jamie’s California driver’s license, but they don’t question it; they just wave me forward.

California, here I intercoursing come.

33. A Girl Is on a Plane

JAMIE

September 3, Thursday Evening

Colorado

I bounce on my heels as I’m herded down the jetway among the other passengers, holding a plane ticket with Siri’s name on it. I just realized I’m not going to get to talk to Dawn today. We have so much catching up to do. I’ll have to call her when I get the all clear from Siri that she’s past the landmine moment. Dawn will see through the makeover immediately.

I shuffle my way down the plane to row 17 seat A. Siri’s a window person, not surprised. I pull out her iPhone and spend the next fifteen minutes typing out a text that says, HAVE DAWN CALL ME WHEN SHE REALIZES YOU’RE THERE AND NOT ME SO I CAN EXPLAIN. THX. I hit send and deflate into the seat.

A young mom and a little boy climb into the spots next to me. We have a three-hour-and-forty-minute flight ahead, so I pull up Siri’s hood and lean against the window. My eyes drift up to the thin, slightly curved, slightly puckered scar running perpendicular toward my left eyebrow in the faded window reflection. I finally took the bandage off today. It’s still the angry pink color of a fresh wound. I fog up the glass with a pointed exhale and close my eyes.

34. Angst and the Middle Seat

SIRI

September 3, Thursday Evening

Colorado

I hate overalls.

I strongly dislike overalls.

I’m trying to stop hating things, step back, and assess how and why I actually feel certain ways. I told Donya how I hate the hate monster inside me, and we’ve been strategizing different ways to defeat or extract it—whichever metaphor feels more relevant. Strategy number one: Try to figure out why you hate the thing, and find something positive that counteracts the negative.

Overalls: As uncomfortable as they are, all these stupid pockets are coming in handy to hold stuff. Jamie’s Chocolate in one, my new hand sanitizer in another, my ticket, my ChapStick. They’re convenient.

I spent my final ten minutes at the gate stretching carefully in this unstretchable outfit to try to minimize the back pain I’m going to be in during this three-and-a-half-hour sitting fest. Donya taught me some lower-back yoga exercises. I did those at the gate as well. People were definitely judging me, but I’m past the point of caring.