Grams is staring daggers at Dad. Daggers that say, You better not let this girl down. If I’ve learned one thing this past week, it’s that Dad listens to his mother. I smile innocently across the table.

“Tuesday, as in this Tuesday?” Dad clarifies.

“This Tuesday.” I nod.

Dad glances between Grams and me. “Of course, Jame. I’ll move some things around. Let’s do it.”

I grin, trying not to look too pleased with myself.

Grams smiles. “Good, that’s settled, then.”

The three of us are watching Kill Bill in the living room when Gladys starts buzzing in my pocket. I excuse myself and run up to Jamie’s room.

It’s Dawn.

“Have you heard from Jamie?” I ask. I texted Dawn earlier as my concern mounted.

“I’m worried,” Dawn says. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that thing you didn’t tell me yesterday, that you wanted to tell me. Can you possibly tell me now? I’m going to call her soon. I want to make sure I approach my opening statement the right way.”

“Oh…” I mumble as I remember. I was going to fill her in on the piece of the puzzle she’s missing. “Well, you were saying something about us being strong. I kind of never told you the most relevant details of my parents’ split … You know Jamie left with my dad. I was super upset and sad, throwing tantrums … I was a four-year-old who couldn’t figure out why my sister would leave me, and my mom told me that … Jamie was never real, she was an imaginary friend.”

Dawn is silent on the other end of the line.

“She said that I was big enough to live without her and make real friends, and I was four and it worked. Kinda? We moved within that year to a place in New Jersey closer to my Papa. Papa got me into therapy, which kind of helped. But basically, I’ve thought Jamie wasn’t real right up until we ran into each other at this retreat.”

“So … Jamie, Jamie’s over there with your mom who has been pretending for the last fourteen years that Jamie doesn’t exist.” Dawn’s voice cracks.

“Yeah…” Shame rumbles in my gut.

Dawn heaves a long breath over the phone. “Okay, I’ll call you back later. I have to try Jamie.”

68. A Girl Is Conflicted

JAMIE

September 6, Sunday Night

New York City

“You can stay if you want,” Zarar says softly from his single bed.