“Instagram,” I respond after an extended silence.

“What on Instagram?”

Heartache clangs down my esophagus. “Bran and Celia.”

“Your ex-BFF and boyfriend?”

I nod.

“Why would you look at that?”

I train my eyes down at Jamie’s heavy yellow boots. I’m wearing them. We’re the same shoe size. “Because I like to keep track of what they’re up to. I need to.”

“Sier,” Jamie whispers. “I know you’re struggling with the idea of being smartphone-less, but—switching phones with me is going to be great. You don’t need Instagram. It’s not helping you. It’s keeping you down. It’s gonna feel freaking freeing to be in the real world and live completely for the moment. Not for the next picture. Not to prove anything to anyone who follows you. Not to wallow in hurtful shit.”

I press my lips together. “Are you giving me sisterly advice?”

Jamie smiles through the gap. “Better late than never, eh?”

My mouth curves into a wet smile.

Jamie grins. “Holy fucking shit. You’re smiling.” She taps me lightly on the arm through the gap along the edge of the seat. “There’s hope for you yet, Angst Lord.”

32. Angst and Goodbyes

SIRI

September 3, Thursday Late Afternoon

Colorado

Eight hours ago, I was completely freaking out about going back to New Jersey, and now I’m about to commit identity fraud to go re-meet my dad.

“Wow, you go by Maza, not Federov?” Jamie frowns down at my ID as I follow her through the crowd toward airport security.

“Yeah, Mom’s doing. She filed to have it changed along with hers when Dad left,” I explain.

We’re about to part ways. Will we hug? I don’t like to touch people, but for some reason I want to hug. Families hug.

At least other families do. My family doesn’t. We usually kind of just say goodbye and dash off in our separate directions.

But I’d like to be a family that hugs, and this feels like a good place to start.

Jamie’s talking again, running down our plan one last time. I nod at what feel like the right moments, but all I can think about is hugging. Can you be a bad hugger if you don’t hug people regularly?

“Okay, kiddo,” she finishes as we stop in front of the roped-off queue. “I’m going to go through first since my flight is first. We should scatter our security journeys. Wait ten minutes and then go through, okay?”

I swallow hard and nod. This is wild. We’re doing this.

I hope I don’t disappoint her.

Jamie pokes my shoulder. “We’ve got this.”

I nod again. “Okay.”

She grins. “Aces. See you in five days.”

I step forward, my arms slightly raised. She pivots and heads into the security queue before I can initiate any semblance of an actual embrace.