Chapters (116)
- Title Page
- Copyright Notice
- Dedication
- PART 1
- 1. Angst
- 2. Angst and the Journey
- 3. A Girl Is Mildly Traumatized
- 4. A Girl Is Off to Colorado, Apparently
- 5. Angst and Socializing
- 6. A Girl Is Here for the Introspection
- 7. Angst and the Shower Girl
- 8.???
- 9. Angst and Fishing
- 10. A Girl Is Sampling Sisterhood
- 11. Angst and Swimming
- 12. Is a Girl Alive?
- 13. Angst and All-Consuming Confusion
- 14. A Girl Is Clammy
- 15. Angst and Older Sisters
- 16. A Girl Has Been Caught Off Guard
- 17. Angst and Flashbacks
- 18. A Girl Is Trying to Reconnect
- 19. Angst and Reprocessing
- 20. A Girl Is a Little Disoriented
- 21. Angst and Hypothetical Miracles
- 22. A Girl Is Not Doing That
- 23. Angst and Fire Choir
- 24. A Girl Is Rapt with Attention
- 25. Angst and Metal
- PART 2
- 26. A Girl Is Playing the Long Game
- 27. Angst and Hikes
- 28. A Girl Thinks This Pitch Is Going Well
- 29. Angst and Saying Yes
- 30. A Girl Is on Her Ass
- 31. Angst and Cellular Device Access
- 32. Angst and Goodbyes
- 33. A Girl Is on a Plane
- 34. Angst and the Middle Seat
- 35. A Girl Doesn’t Understand Your Compliment
- 36. Angst and LAX
- 37. A Girl Is Going to Implode if Siri Keeps Ignoring Her Calls
- 38. A Girl Has Never Been to Her Mom’s House
- 39. Angst and Salons
- 40. A Girl Appreciates a Donut
- 41. Angst and Jamie’s Room
- 42. Angst and Dad
- 43. A Girl Can Rock a Catfish
- 44. Angst and Rom-Coms
- 45. A Girl Needs Adventure
- 46. Angst and Improv Practice
- 47. A Girl Fancies Zarar
- 48. Angst and Empathy
- 49. A Girl Is Questioning Everything
- 50. Angst and Pizza Hangs
- 51. A Girl Is Taking All the Calls
- 52. Angst and Good/Bad News
- 53. Angst and Preparation
- 54. A Girl Needs to Do Better
- 55. A Girl Is on Time for Once
- 56. Angst and Emails
- 57. A Girl Gets Feedback
- 58. Angst and Expectations
- 59. A Girl Is on the Train Again
- 60. Angst and a Barbecue
- 61. A Girl Does Family Dinner
- 62. A Girl Is Braving Another Open Mic
- 63. Angst and Ice Cream
- 64. A Girl Needs a Break
- 65. Angst and Vulnerability
- 66. A Girl Is at a Rooftop Soiree
- 67. Angst and Ideas
- 68. A Girl Is Conflicted
- 69. Angst and Storytime
- 70. A Girl Is Inferior
- 71. Angst and Preparations
- 72. A Girl Meets a Family
- 73. A Girl Has Lost Control
- 74. A Girl Is a Hot Mess
- PART 3
- 75. Angst and Road Trips
- 76. A Girl Is Running on Fumes
- 77. Angst and Recall
- 78. A Girl Is Having Trouble with This
- 79. Angst and Resolve
- 80. Angst and Confrontation
- 81. A Girl Is Hanging with Her Family!
- 82. A Girl’s Head Is Spinning
- 83. A Girl Ruined Everything
- 84. Angst and Intervention
- 85. A Girl Is Not Sure How to Proceed
- 86. Angst and Support
- 87. A Girl Has Some Work to Do
- 88. Angst and Progress
- 89. A Girl Isn’t Tired
- 90. Angst and Birthdays
- 91. A Girl Is Voluntarily Here
- 92. A Girl Wants to Make It Better
- 93. Angst and Letting Go
- 94. A Girl Works a Meeting
- 95. Angst and Wine
- 96. A Girl Is Enjoying Herself
- 97. Angst and Bridges
- 98. A Girl Is Going for It
- 99. Angst and Los Angeles
- 100. Angst and Hope
- 101. A Girl Has One More Letter
- 102. A Girl Is Trying Again
- 103. Angst and Pride
- 104. A Girl Is Freaking Flying
- Epilogue
- JAMIE
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Christine Riccio
- About the Author
- Newsletter Sign-up
She meets my eyes. There’s a spark of hope there that almost hurts my heart.
“Don’t get too excited,” I tell her.
“Could we do something together this week? For your birthday? For all the missed birthdays?”
90. Angst and Birthdays
SIRI
September 10, Early Thursday
New Jersey
I want Jamie to be able to interact with Mom without me there to distract. But I also want to be here because, well, it’s her birthday and I want to be around for my sister’s birthday. I want her to be around for my birthday.
Mom waved me over for cake, but I grabbed my piece and retreated back to the corner to eat it. Papa seems to be taking my cue; he’s eating his at the coffee table in front of the couch.
“Could we do something together this week. For your birthday? For all the missed birthdays?” Mom asks.
Jamie looks over at me. I pause with my fork hovering close to my mouth.
“Sier, will you come with us if we do something for my birthday this week?”
My heart grows three sizes as I stare back at her.
I wouldn’t go anywhere with Mom by myself right now, but I would love to go to support Jamie. I nod.
Jamie turns to my mother. “Would you be down to do the whole mother-daughter, shopping, nails, go home, drink wine, and watch a movie on the couch thing?”
Mom nods with her mouth closed. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s close to tears. Mom and Jamie are much more alike than Jamie probably knows. Mom just hides behind a different kind of wall.
We agree to celebrate on Friday. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to agree to spend any time with Mom if Jamie weren’t here.
I wasn’t expecting forgiving Jamie so quickly to feel this good. I was expecting it to … I don’t know, be a relief. Things still feel a bit one-sided because Jamie hasn’t apologized. And she hasn’t said anything about Dawn. But I think she wants to. I can hear it in the way she phrases the things she’s said to me since then. She needs time.
If that’s what it takes to figure out how we can fit together, I can give her time.
91. A Girl Is Voluntarily Here
JAMIE
September 10, Thursday Morning
New York City
“I did it, Donya! I talked to Jamie and she’s here. I think I deserve a certificate of excellence!” Siri extends her arms toward me in a flourish. The two of us are side by side on Donya’s purple couch.
Donya meets my eyes and laughs. “I can see that and I’m really proud of you.”