Siri delicately bites a tiny blip off the top of her marshmallow, chews, swallows, and dives back into her story.

“I got these tickets for a Slipknot concert in the city back before I caught Bran cheating on me with Celia. I was hoping he’d come with me. But when I asked him, he didn’t want to.” Her voice wavers.

I fight the urge to reach out and rub her arm or something. She backs away like I have the plague whenever I make physical contact.

“So, I asked Celia to come, and she agreed. The morning I caught the two of them together … it was the day of the concert. I’d been looking forward to going for ages. I’d been obsessing over Slipknot for a while and seeing them live was going to be a whole experience. Metal concerts are different than pop. They get really wild … and I wanted that. I wanted to let all of the feelings in me explode out alongside the music.”

Siri’s eyes glaze over. Like she’s forgotten I’m here. Like she’s not even here.

“Their whole thing, catching them in the dressing room, the day of the concert, I mean … it was like they planned it for that day so Celia could get out of going. So of course, I had no one to go with. But I said, intercourse this, I’m going anyway.”

“Assholes.”

Siri shoots me a look.

“Sorry, go on.”

“I went by myself and I had an amazing time. I was having an amazing time. I felt so … free. I was in the mosh pit and things were getting wild. The adrenaline rush was mind-blowing. We were all plowing into one another and it wasn’t uncalled for, it was expected and encouraged. And people were crowd surfing. Before I knew it, I was too. It was incredible, and I was screaming along with the band.”

25. Angst and Metal

SIRI

August 30, Sunday Evening

Colorado

I close my eyes, the soaring feeling returning in my chest. I was smiling so hard, my cheeks hurt. Screaming so hard, my throat burned. Drenched in sweat, mashed up against so many people—something that would normally drive me insane. But I didn’t care.

“For a fleeting moment I was invincible.” I swallow, staring out at the darkening horizon. “And then I was on the concrete.

“The strobe lights kept flashing and the band kept singing and the people kept jumping, and I couldn’t move without bolts of pain searing through me. Time melted. A stretcher somehow made its way in and got me out of the pit.