BooksBarbecue
Back Better Together
Chapters (116)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. PART 1
  5. 1. Angst
  6. 2. Angst and the Journey
  7. 3. A Girl Is Mildly Traumatized
  8. 4. A Girl Is Off to Colorado, Apparently
  9. 5. Angst and Socializing
  10. 6. A Girl Is Here for the Introspection
  11. 7. Angst and the Shower Girl
  12. 8.???
  13. 9. Angst and Fishing
  14. 10. A Girl Is Sampling Sisterhood
  15. 11. Angst and Swimming
  16. 12. Is a Girl Alive?
  17. 13. Angst and All-Consuming Confusion
  18. 14. A Girl Is Clammy
  19. 15. Angst and Older Sisters
  20. 16. A Girl Has Been Caught Off Guard
  21. 17. Angst and Flashbacks
  22. 18. A Girl Is Trying to Reconnect
  23. 19. Angst and Reprocessing
  24. 20. A Girl Is a Little Disoriented
  25. 21. Angst and Hypothetical Miracles
  26. 22. A Girl Is Not Doing That
  27. 23. Angst and Fire Choir
  28. 24. A Girl Is Rapt with Attention
  29. 25. Angst and Metal
  30. PART 2
  31. 26. A Girl Is Playing the Long Game
  32. 27. Angst and Hikes
  33. 28. A Girl Thinks This Pitch Is Going Well
  34. 29. Angst and Saying Yes
  35. 30. A Girl Is on Her Ass
  36. 31. Angst and Cellular Device Access
  37. 32. Angst and Goodbyes
  38. 33. A Girl Is on a Plane
  39. 34. Angst and the Middle Seat
  40. 35. A Girl Doesn’t Understand Your Compliment
  41. 36. Angst and LAX
  42. 37. A Girl Is Going to Implode if Siri Keeps Ignoring Her Calls
  43. 38. A Girl Has Never Been to Her Mom’s House
  44. 39. Angst and Salons
  45. 40. A Girl Appreciates a Donut
  46. 41. Angst and Jamie’s Room
  47. 42. Angst and Dad
  48. 43. A Girl Can Rock a Catfish
  49. 44. Angst and Rom-Coms
  50. 45. A Girl Needs Adventure
  51. 46. Angst and Improv Practice
  52. 47. A Girl Fancies Zarar
  53. 48. Angst and Empathy
  54. 49. A Girl Is Questioning Everything
  55. 50. Angst and Pizza Hangs
  56. 51. A Girl Is Taking All the Calls
  57. 52. Angst and Good/Bad News
  58. 53. Angst and Preparation
  59. 54. A Girl Needs to Do Better
  60. 55. A Girl Is on Time for Once
  61. 56. Angst and Emails
  62. 57. A Girl Gets Feedback
  63. 58. Angst and Expectations
  64. 59. A Girl Is on the Train Again
  65. 60. Angst and a Barbecue
  66. 61. A Girl Does Family Dinner
  67. 62. A Girl Is Braving Another Open Mic
  68. 63. Angst and Ice Cream
  69. 64. A Girl Needs a Break
  70. 65. Angst and Vulnerability
  71. 66. A Girl Is at a Rooftop Soiree
  72. 67. Angst and Ideas
  73. 68. A Girl Is Conflicted
  74. 69. Angst and Storytime
  75. 70. A Girl Is Inferior
  76. 71. Angst and Preparations
  77. 72. A Girl Meets a Family
  78. 73. A Girl Has Lost Control
  79. 74. A Girl Is a Hot Mess
  80. PART 3
  81. 75. Angst and Road Trips
  82. 76. A Girl Is Running on Fumes
  83. 77. Angst and Recall
  84. 78. A Girl Is Having Trouble with This
  85. 79. Angst and Resolve
  86. 80. Angst and Confrontation
  87. 81. A Girl Is Hanging with Her Family!
  88. 82. A Girl’s Head Is Spinning
  89. 83. A Girl Ruined Everything
  90. 84. Angst and Intervention
  91. 85. A Girl Is Not Sure How to Proceed
  92. 86. Angst and Support
  93. 87. A Girl Has Some Work to Do
  94. 88. Angst and Progress
  95. 89. A Girl Isn’t Tired
  96. 90. Angst and Birthdays
  97. 91. A Girl Is Voluntarily Here
  98. 92. A Girl Wants to Make It Better
  99. 93. Angst and Letting Go
  100. 94. A Girl Works a Meeting
  101. 95. Angst and Wine
  102. 96. A Girl Is Enjoying Herself
  103. 97. Angst and Bridges
  104. 98. A Girl Is Going for It
  105. 99. Angst and Los Angeles
  106. 100. Angst and Hope
  107. 101. A Girl Has One More Letter
  108. 102. A Girl Is Trying Again
  109. 103. Angst and Pride
  110. 104. A Girl Is Freaking Flying
  111. Epilogue
  112. JAMIE
  113. Acknowledgments
  114. Also by Christine Riccio
  115. About the Author
  116. Newsletter Sign-up

A strange wail escapes me, like a dying seal has taken up residence in my throat. I stumble to my feet and push past the blond girl.

“I don’t understand what’s going on. I don’t understand.” I’m babbling to myself as I hustle toward my cabin.

Am I really losing my mind? Have I made up the blond girl as well? Every time I heave a new breath, sobs erupt out of me. I’m freezing.

I need a shower. I’m covered in lake water and dirt. A shower will help. I need to be clean. I need to think. I need to calm down. I’m having a panic attack.

I haven’t had a full-blown attack since I was little. Not like this at least. This is so much worse than I can ever remember.

But that’s all this is. You’re just going through a rough time. It’s getting to you even more than you realized.

I’ve gotten through this before and I can do it again. I nod to myself over and over as I put one foot in front of the other down the trail. It’s going to be fine.

I throw open the cabin door and strip down. My clothes splat against the wood as I chuck them haphazardly into the corner of the room, grab my towel, and glance around for my toiletries.

The oxygen wisps out of me again.

I left my shower toiletries in the bathroom last night. I don’t have any toiletries. I head out onto the trail without them.

Jamie.

Don’t think about it. Think about something else. Billie. Slipknot. Billie.

White Chapel. Ice cream. Orange Creamsicle ice cream. Jamie used to get orange Creamsicle ice cream.

There’s no one else in the bathroom. I yank the shower curtain closed behind me and hang up my towel.

Jamie.

Jamie.

Jamie.

Jamie isn’t real.

I turn the dial all the way to the left. Steaming water blazes down my spine.

Mom is real. Papa is real. I am real. I am going to be okay.

I can almost breathe.

Five minutes later I can definitely breathe.

The episode is going to pass. You’re fine. You’re fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.

12. Is a Girl Alive?

JAMIE

August 29, Saturday Morning

Colorado

My eyes hurt as I throw them open. My lungs burn as I gasp and cough for dear fucking life. I’m fucking freezing. The sun is blinding. What happened? Am I dead?

A figure leans forward shading my face. They come into focus slowly. Nice jawline. Great hair. Ah, it’s Zarar.

“Jamie?”

My pupils slowly adjust to the shade he’s providing. Wow, his voice was calm, but the dude’s frantic, I can see it in his eyes. There’s some sort of innate gentleness to them though. Mmm. They make my lips tip upward.