Chapters (116)
- Title Page
- Copyright Notice
- Dedication
- PART 1
- 1. Angst
- 2. Angst and the Journey
- 3. A Girl Is Mildly Traumatized
- 4. A Girl Is Off to Colorado, Apparently
- 5. Angst and Socializing
- 6. A Girl Is Here for the Introspection
- 7. Angst and the Shower Girl
- 8.???
- 9. Angst and Fishing
- 10. A Girl Is Sampling Sisterhood
- 11. Angst and Swimming
- 12. Is a Girl Alive?
- 13. Angst and All-Consuming Confusion
- 14. A Girl Is Clammy
- 15. Angst and Older Sisters
- 16. A Girl Has Been Caught Off Guard
- 17. Angst and Flashbacks
- 18. A Girl Is Trying to Reconnect
- 19. Angst and Reprocessing
- 20. A Girl Is a Little Disoriented
- 21. Angst and Hypothetical Miracles
- 22. A Girl Is Not Doing That
- 23. Angst and Fire Choir
- 24. A Girl Is Rapt with Attention
- 25. Angst and Metal
- PART 2
- 26. A Girl Is Playing the Long Game
- 27. Angst and Hikes
- 28. A Girl Thinks This Pitch Is Going Well
- 29. Angst and Saying Yes
- 30. A Girl Is on Her Ass
- 31. Angst and Cellular Device Access
- 32. Angst and Goodbyes
- 33. A Girl Is on a Plane
- 34. Angst and the Middle Seat
- 35. A Girl Doesn’t Understand Your Compliment
- 36. Angst and LAX
- 37. A Girl Is Going to Implode if Siri Keeps Ignoring Her Calls
- 38. A Girl Has Never Been to Her Mom’s House
- 39. Angst and Salons
- 40. A Girl Appreciates a Donut
- 41. Angst and Jamie’s Room
- 42. Angst and Dad
- 43. A Girl Can Rock a Catfish
- 44. Angst and Rom-Coms
- 45. A Girl Needs Adventure
- 46. Angst and Improv Practice
- 47. A Girl Fancies Zarar
- 48. Angst and Empathy
- 49. A Girl Is Questioning Everything
- 50. Angst and Pizza Hangs
- 51. A Girl Is Taking All the Calls
- 52. Angst and Good/Bad News
- 53. Angst and Preparation
- 54. A Girl Needs to Do Better
- 55. A Girl Is on Time for Once
- 56. Angst and Emails
- 57. A Girl Gets Feedback
- 58. Angst and Expectations
- 59. A Girl Is on the Train Again
- 60. Angst and a Barbecue
- 61. A Girl Does Family Dinner
- 62. A Girl Is Braving Another Open Mic
- 63. Angst and Ice Cream
- 64. A Girl Needs a Break
- 65. Angst and Vulnerability
- 66. A Girl Is at a Rooftop Soiree
- 67. Angst and Ideas
- 68. A Girl Is Conflicted
- 69. Angst and Storytime
- 70. A Girl Is Inferior
- 71. Angst and Preparations
- 72. A Girl Meets a Family
- 73. A Girl Has Lost Control
- 74. A Girl Is a Hot Mess
- PART 3
- 75. Angst and Road Trips
- 76. A Girl Is Running on Fumes
- 77. Angst and Recall
- 78. A Girl Is Having Trouble with This
- 79. Angst and Resolve
- 80. Angst and Confrontation
- 81. A Girl Is Hanging with Her Family!
- 82. A Girl’s Head Is Spinning
- 83. A Girl Ruined Everything
- 84. Angst and Intervention
- 85. A Girl Is Not Sure How to Proceed
- 86. Angst and Support
- 87. A Girl Has Some Work to Do
- 88. Angst and Progress
- 89. A Girl Isn’t Tired
- 90. Angst and Birthdays
- 91. A Girl Is Voluntarily Here
- 92. A Girl Wants to Make It Better
- 93. Angst and Letting Go
- 94. A Girl Works a Meeting
- 95. Angst and Wine
- 96. A Girl Is Enjoying Herself
- 97. Angst and Bridges
- 98. A Girl Is Going for It
- 99. Angst and Los Angeles
- 100. Angst and Hope
- 101. A Girl Has One More Letter
- 102. A Girl Is Trying Again
- 103. Angst and Pride
- 104. A Girl Is Freaking Flying
- Epilogue
- JAMIE
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Christine Riccio
- About the Author
- Newsletter Sign-up
Dawn looks over at me. “Your smile is like stunning,” she says. “You’re usually stunning, you look like an old Hollywood movie star from the fifties. But I haven’t seen you smile-smile, with your whole face, yet, and it’s like … wow.”
My heart’s still dancing to “Bad Guy” in my chest. I look down at my hands. “Any pitches are more than welcome.”
“I’ve already got one. Scale of one to ten, how do you feel about becoming a food influencer?”
I chuckle. “Three.”
“Wow, harsh. Okay, I see you. I’ll keep on it.”
The light turns green.
“It’s weird,” Dawn starts. “At first this all freaked me out to the tenth degree because I thought you were some creepy Jamie clone … I mean the projection magic that made you look exactly like her is batshit. I’m just going to ignore the fact that that’s a thing because…” She holds out a hand and waves it around frantically. “Nope, I can’t.”
“Anyway,” Dawn continues slowly, almost like she’s thinking aloud rather than speaking to me. “The more we hang out, the less you remind me of Jamie. You’re taller and willowy-er and you move so differently. You have this grace that’s almost inhuman. You don’t walk, you … glide, like they try to make Sandra Bullock do in Miss Congeniality.
“Your skin is so milky, your eyebrows are completely different, they’re wonderful, by the way, bold as hell with your new gray-blond hair. Your nails are super clean. And you’re like buff as hell.” Dawn swallows.
I look down at my knees, feeling like an electric switch has flipped on under my skin. That’s a lot of noticing. Almost like how I’ve been noticing, except reverse. I feel so noticed by the kindest, most beautiful girl in the universe.
“And I mean, that’s just on the outside,” she adds quickly. “From the first moment you got here, you were completely different in demeanor and personality. You are completely the opposite end of the spectrum … and…” She trails off and clears her throat. “The place is coming up. We’re only like a block away so I’m going to take this spot.”
I don’t know what she was going to say there, but it didn’t feel negative.
Dawn steps back onto the sidewalk to admire the building. I step back with her.
“What do you think?” She joyfully throws her hands in the direction of the door. The place is very minimalist-looking, very … white with plants and vines as decor and a select neon sign that says ULOR’S GOURMET ICE CREAM.
“I think that’s one LA-looking ice cream place.” I giggle.
She gasps and carefully bumps me with her side. “This place is everything. Give her a chance, Ms. Maza.”
A giddy buzz zips through me. “Aren’t we going to get pizza?”
“Yeah.” She grins without moving.