'Soheyhowaboutyouwhatareyouupto?'

I make an intensely interested face. A face which says, forget about everyone around us. There is only us in this world.

'Oh, still working at the pub ...'

'Yes!' I say. 'The Crown, you are working at the Crown, that's how we know each other!'

This is intended to show him I know exactly who he is and have details at hand to prove it.

But ... Simon? Is it Simon?

'I'm planning on going travelling soon, though,' he says, and then he glances at Colin.

'Ohtravellingthat'llbegoodit'sgoodsometimestotravel ... ' I say, trying to bring the focus back to me, but I can feel Colin getting impatient, annoyed that he hasn't been introduced yet, but I can't stop. 'And what are your future plans?'

'Well ... there's the travel, like I say,' he says, slowly.

'Yes, apart from the travel, though, what are your future plans?'

'Erm ...' he says, looking to the skies, and while he does so I steal a quick glance at Colin, who frowns at me, but I can't shrug or give him a help-me with my eyes because now the man in front of me is looking at me again.

Darren!

No!

Paul?

'I guess just chilling out for a while,' says Simon/Darren/ Paul.

'That'sgood,' I say, nodding vigorously. 'Goodplangoodplan.'

I pause for a second because I don't know what else to say, and there is that awful nothingness where it becomes incredibly apparent that something must be wrong, and to fill it, for no apparent reason, I laugh like a little lady.

'Aha ha ha!' I laugh, lightly, as if I might be wearing a bonnet and carrying a parasol. 'Aha ha!'

Colin breaks the silence with a manful extension of his hand.

'Hey, man,' he says. 'I'm Colin.'

'Matt,' says the man. Who I suppose I should start calling Matt.

'Nice to meet you,' they both say.

'Sorry!' I offer, making a great show of it. 'I thought you guys knew each other!'

This would be a great excuse. If I didn't know Matt from a pub in Bristol.

Matt just shakes his head and says 'no', gently, and Colin simply smiles at me, broadly. I've been caught out. Matt knows I forgot his name. There is nothing more shameful, more nightmarish, more insulting than this.

As we walk away, two awkward minutes later, I am still shaking my head as we pass Currys. I will never recover from this.

And then I suddenly remember something. 'Gilius Thunderhead!' I shout.

'Too little, too late,' says Colin.

HAIR

It is awful being caught, when you know you've been doing wrong.