'I mean, you've got the choice, they're right next to each other, and if you really need that many carrots, at least some of them could be organic. I mean, I'm pregnant. I'm eating for two. And organic ones are so much better for the baby.'

I decide she is right. And that I should be the bigger man here. And that I should never refer to my wife as a man.

'I am sorry,' I say, sincerely. 'I shouldn't have bought that many carrots in your dream. And if for whatever crazy reason I did need fourteen of them, then at least half, if not all, should absolutely have been organic.'

She looks pleased and melts a little, and after a moment, reaches across the table and squeezes my hand.

Our starters arrive. My wife is having the tomato soup. It looks great. But then I realise something.

'Tomato soup?' I say. 'What did you order for your main, again?'

'Salad,' she says.

'But what kind?'

'Tomato and avocado,' she says, looking at me.

I bristle, and shrug.

'What?' she says, icily.

'Just seems like a lot of tomatoes,' I say.

THE ASSISTANT

Colin is feeling overworked.

'I had to work all yesterday morning,' he says. 'And then right the way through the afternoon, too.'

'Goodness,' I reply. 'But that's an entire day!'

'Didn't get home until nearly five,' he says, still clearly shocked. I think about it. He can only have had maybe nine, ten hours' sleep.

'It's these people, Dan. They've hired me to work on a project and now they want it done by the end of the week.'

'When did they originally want it done?'

'By the end of the week. But still. I think they're being unreasonable.'

'Yes. Expecting you to work a full day and complete it by the date originally agreed. You're not a machine.'

He gives me a 'precisely!' face.

'So I've hatched a plan,' he says.

'Of course you have.'

'I will honour this commitment, Dan. But never will I be led into this trap again. So I'm getting an assistant.'

'You're getting an assistant?'

'Yes. A beautiful one. Russian.'

'Right.'

'Emma Lawrence, the beautiful Russian.'

He says 'Emma Lawrence' again, this time in a Russian accent, but it doesn't really work.

'She will be there for me, Dan, whenever I need her. She will be firm but fair with my clients. She will act as buffer to their crazy demands, and break the news of inevitable delays or damage to them gently.'

'I see.'