I waited for Sandi to frostily leave the room, got my phone out, and texted Pete.

'I forgot to bring wine and she hates me!' I wrote, and a moment later, I got my reply.

'Wow. You there already?'

Yes! Of course I was! Because he'd told me to be! And yet this was still my fault! It's not like I hadn't held parties in the past and not been thrown by the early arrivals. A few years ago, I'd told people to turn up at my place at sevenish. By eight o'clock, the only people who'd turned up were a man, his baby, and Steve Strange from 80s new romantic band Visage. This was a surprise to me, as I did not know Steve Strange, and yet here he was, in full make-up, in my living room. When my friend Simon arrived a little while later, thinking the party might be in full swing, he found instead me, a baby, and Steve Strange, all sitting on a sofa. 'Well, I wasn't expecting this,' had never seemed a more appropriate comment.

And now I was that man. I was Steve Strange from 80s new romantic band Visage! And that's a sentence I never thought I'd write.

I sat there, praying for the doorbell to ring, but it mocked me with its silence. Sandi popped back into the room. She still had a testy air about her, despite my brilliant performance in our earlier conversation.

'What was your name again?' she said.

'Danny,' I said.

'Would you like another beer, Danny? They're a bit warm. They haven't really had the chance to cool down yet.'

I blushed. Even the beers had been surprised at how early I was.

And then - the blessed relief of the doorbell, and within twenty minutes, the place was buzzing. Even Peter had made it, with two bottles of wine.

'Why did you get here so early?' he said. 'You never turn up when you're told to ... I'm going to have to apologise to Sandi ...'

'But you told me what time! You should have told me to come later!'

'I'd been told eightish! So that's what I told you!'

I was about to point out how little sense this made, but Sandi was suddenly there, topping up our glasses.

'Sandi,' said Pete, 'listen, about Danny getting here at ...' But she ignored him, and turned to me.

'Danny, I just want to say that it was very good of you to arrive at eight o'clock, as I had specified.' She cast a stony eye at Pete. 'I think promptness is much undervalued.'

'As do I, Sandi,' I said, graciously. 'As do I.'

PASTRIES

I am in the huge, light, glass-and-metal foyer outside the office of a very important man. There are plasma screens everywhere and busy people rushing around, shaking their heads, and studying pieces of paper.