'Just bears,' she said, testily. 'We don't discriminate.'

She cast him a look as if to say he was just the sort of man to discriminate against bears.

'Well, good luck,' he said.

'HA!' she said, turning away, as if he could never understand what it must be like having no idea what you're doing.

SATURDAY

You know what would be really interesting? If you could teach babies to talk.

Like, not straight away, because they'd have nothing to say and it'd be boring, but later, after a few years, when they got a bit older.

And that, my friends, is all I think about that.

And so, if you'll forgive me, now I must away, and prepare for fatherhood.

DANNY WOULD LIKE TO THANK

Greta Wallace. Ian & Trudy Wallace.

Lisa Thomas for her chance encounter at the Edinburgh Festival and what followed. Phil Hilton, Ross Brown, Terri White, Matt Phare, Matt Hill, Howard Calvert, Jamie Klinger, Mike Soutar, and everyone else at the brilliant ShortList magazine.

William Colin Sansom, Wag Colin Marshall-Page, Ian Colin Collins, Dan Steve Vincent, Richard Paul Bacon, Marc Steve Haynes, Rich Steve Fulcher, Richard Rich Glover, Mike Hanson, Graham Linehan, Stefan Gates, Georgia Glyn-Smith, Pete Donaldson, Rebecca Bacon, and everyone else who makes an appearance in this book, whether by real name or not, including Su Pollard and GMTV's Richard Arnold.

Jake Lingwood, Simon Trewin, Jago Irwin, Emily Hickman, Ali Nightingale and Ed Griffiths - thanks.

Tiffany Daniel, Howard Sanders, David Heyman, Lauren Meltzner, Richard Jason Gold, Dan Erlij, Larry Saiz, Nancy Gates, David Sussman - thanks to you, too.

Oh.

And, of course, to you.

Bye!