A few thanks ... First of all my undying gratitude to all those at ShortList magazine - particularly Phil Hilton - for allowing me to incorporate many of the columns I've written for them. To Lisa Thomas, for making that column happen in the first place. And, of course, my huge and sincere thanks to my wife, my friends, and the two or three pals who are my friend Colin ...

See you in there.

Danny

AND SO WE BEGIN.

I am at the age where my friends are suddenly having children. I have even been asked to be a godfather, although I am still learning the rules of what you can and can't say.

Recently, one friend was telling me about his baby boy.

'He's got a new sound that he does,' he said, looking tired and pale. 'He just sits there and goes NYUP. NYUP. NYUP. For hours and hours. He was making it all last night. NYUP. NYUP. NYUP.'

He smiled, weakly, in a 'What can you do?' kind of way. I tried to sympathise.

'He sounds like a dick,' I said.

My friend just looked at me.

'But he did,' I said to my wife, as she silently collected our things.

SPRING

THE SANDWICH

I am standing on the high street as the drizzle soaks through my jacket on a fine British spring afternoon, and I am staring - bewildered and alone - into the middle distance.

I have just taken a bite of the finest sandwich I have ever tasted; perhaps, even, the finest sandwich ever made.

'There was lettuce involved,' I tell my friend Colin, later, my wild eyes shining as I relive it. 'And some kind of ... sauce'

Colin looks amazed. Later, I am sure, his amazement will turn to jealousy. But for now, we are just two men talking about an incredible sandwich.

I had been in the queue at Subway when it happened. Usually, like millions of other dull and unimaginative men, I would order a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sub. It is what I normally do. It is predictable. Safe. Trusted. I know where I am with a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sub, and it is usually just outside Subway with sauce down my top and a piece of tomato on my shoe.

But not today, my friends. Oh, no. Today was different.

I'd been in a hurry. I had a train to catch. Things to do. And the queue was moving slowly.