The man sidles slowly closer, and he notices my wheels, but all I need from him is a little information and then I can be on my way, so I make myself sound posh and harmless and I say, 'I'm so sorry to bother you, but I need to pick my friend up ...'

He relaxes, and I smile, and then I say, 'Is there a massage parlour near here?'

CATCHPHRASE

I realised recently and with horror that I was a man without a catchphrase.

'Surely every man needs a catchphrase?' my friend had said, as we ambled past a park. I laugh, at first, before I realise I am laughing on my own.

'Really? What's yours?' I ask.

'Respect is due,' he says.

'Respect is due?' I say. 'Isn't that Marc's catchphrase?'

'I taught him it,' he says. 'So it's mine, really.'

'But you never say "Respect is due",' I say. 'You say "Peace peace".'

'But I could say "Respect is due",' he says. '"Respect is due" is my other catchphrase.'

'So you've got two catchphrases? I don't think I've even got one'

'Well, you should get one,' he says. 'They're useful. Not only do they help sustain a level of individuality, but they're very handy when there's an awkward moment and you don't know how to fill it. Take Marc, for example. Whenever he's stuck for something to say, he'll say "Respect is due".'

'That's true!' I say. 'He does!'

I think back to the time a tramp in Soho had asked Marc for some money and Marc had said he didn't have any. The tramp had just stared at him, until Marc got a quid out and mumbled, 'Respect is due.'

This need for a catchphrase would seem to be a need that only men have. Very rarely do you find a woman with a catchphrase, perhaps because when you do find a woman with a catchphrase, it's very rarely one that you'd want to associate with.

Similarly, it seems only to be men who give any thought whatsoever as to what the title of their autobiography should be. My friend has gone so far as to design a trilogy.

'What are they called?' I ask.

'The first one is called Life in the Fast Lane.'

'Good title.'

'The second is called All or Nothing.'

'OK.'

'And the third, which I plan to pen in my twilight years, is entitled Call Me Old-Fashioned.'

'You sound exciting!' I say, kicking some leaves. 'What a life!' 'Respect is due,' he says.

My friend spends a lot of time with his parents.

'So what should my catchphrase be?' I ask, suddenly concerned I have missed out on an important part of the boy-to-man process.

'I'm not sure you need one, actually,' says my friend.